One thing I’ve realized over the years is that I tend to share the things that have shaped me. Post-traumatic growth
Not everything.
Just the moments that taught me something worth passing on.
People will occasionally say to me, “Hope, you’re so open.”
And I suppose I am.
Not because I enjoy talking about every hard thing that’s happened in my life, but because I’ve learned that our experiences aren’t always meant to stay tucked away.
Sometimes the thing you walked through becomes the very thing that helps someone else find their way through.
And maybe that’s part of why we go through some of the things we do.
What If Your Story Can Help Someone Else?
I read something a while back that stopped me in my tracks.
It said something along the lines of:
“Maybe God allowed you to walk through so many trials because He knew one day you’d go back into those same places to help someone else find their way out.”
I don’t know if that’s exactly how it was written.
But that’s how it landed in my heart.
Because I’ve lived through seasons that I absolutely did not understand while I was in them.
And if you had asked me at the time why I was experiencing certain things, I probably wouldn’t have had a very spiritual or inspiring answer.
I probably would have said:
“Why me?”
And honestly, I think that’s a very human question.
I Used to Ask, “Why Me?”
When I was a teenager, I would lie on my bed in the dark and cry.
I would ask God:
Why me?
Why is my life so hard?
Why do I have to struggle so much?
Why does it seem like everyone else has it easier?
Why am I dealing with things other people my age don’t seem to have to deal with?
At that age, hardship felt like punishment.
It felt unfair.
It felt like something had gone terribly wrong.
And then life kept happening.
My husband and I lost our daughter.
Business became hard.
Relationships became hard.
There were seasons where I questioned everything.
There were times I just wanted life to let up for a while.
I didn’t want another lesson.
I didn’t want another challenge.
I wanted a break.
And maybe you’ve felt that way too.
Maybe you’ve had a season where you thought, “I’ve learned enough. Can life please just be easy for a minute?”
I understand that feeling.
But somewhere along the way, something began to shift in me.
Hardship Doesn’t Have to Be the End of the Story
I slowly began looking at my experiences differently.
Instead of seeing every hardship as punishment, I began to see some of those experiences as preparation.
I was being taught.
Taught to listen more closely.
Taught to notice what others might miss.
Taught to get back up when staying down would have been easier.
Taught to trust when I couldn’t see the outcome.
Taught to dig deeper than I ever thought possible.
That doesn’t mean I believe every painful thing happens for a simple reason.
And it certainly doesn’t mean hardship isn’t painful.
It is.
Loss is still loss.
Disappointment is still disappointment.
Grief is still grief.
But sometimes, with time and growth, we can begin to see what those experiences developed inside of us.
The Growth That Can Come After Hardship
There is a psychological concept called post-traumatic growth.
It describes positive psychological changes that some people experience after struggling with highly challenging or traumatic circumstances.
The growth can look different for different people.
For some, it may involve stronger relationships.
For others, it may mean a deeper appreciation for life, increased personal strength, spiritual change, or a clearer sense of what matters.
And I think that’s an important distinction.
The hardship itself isn’t the gift.
The growth that can come from how we respond to hardship can be.
That’s a very different way of looking at life.
It doesn’t require us to be grateful that something terrible happened.
It allows us to acknowledge that something difficult happened and still ask:
What can I learn from this?
Who am I becoming because of this?
What can I do with what I’ve learned?
Those questions don’t erase the pain.
But they can help us find meaning within it.
I Still Have Hard Days
I want to be clear about something.
I still experience stress.
I still have unanswered questions.
I still have moments where I wonder what God is doing.
I still have days when I don’t understand why something is happening.
Growth doesn’t mean you stop experiencing difficult emotions.
It doesn’t mean you become immune to uncertainty.
It doesn’t mean you walk through life smiling at every problem and saying, “This is wonderful!”
That’s not real life.
The difference I’ve noticed is that I don’t run from hard things the way I used to.
I don’t immediately assume that difficulty means I’m on the wrong path.
I don’t automatically see uncertainty as evidence that something has gone wrong.
I’ve learned to sit with some of it.
To listen.
To ask questions.
To keep moving.
To trust.
And sometimes, to wait.
What If Life Isn’t Punishment?
I’ve found myself asking some different questions these days.
What if life isn’t punishment?
What if every difficult season isn’t proof that you’ve done something wrong?
What if some experiences are preparing you for something you can’t see yet?
What if the very thing you’re resisting is developing a strength you’ll eventually need?
What if the experience that feels like a detour is teaching you something you’ll carry into the next chapter?
I don’t pretend to have perfect answers to those questions.
But I do know that my perspective has changed.
Years ago, I might have asked:
“Why is this happening to me?”
Today, I’m more likely to ask:
“What is this teaching me?”
And that small change in the question can change the way you experience a season.
From “Why Me?” to “Thank You for Choosing Me”
It’s been many years since I laid in bed asking God, “Why me?”
Today, my prayer sounds very different.
“Thank You for choosing me.”
Not because I enjoy hardship.
I don’t.
And certainly not because I would wish difficult experiences on someone else.
But I’ve lived long enough to see that very little of what I’ve gone through has been wasted.
Every lesson.
Every heartbreak.
Every delay.
Every disappointment.
Every season when I thought nothing was happening.
It all shaped me.
It changed me.
It taught me.
It helped create the woman I am today.
And sometimes, I think we don’t realize how much something has shaped us until years later.
Sometimes the Puzzle Piece Doesn’t Make Sense Yet
Just this week, another puzzle piece clicked into place for me.
A business opportunity I’d been working on for months suddenly came back to life after going completely silent.
Months ago, I couldn’t understand why it had stalled.
I wondered what was happening.
I wondered whether I should keep pursuing it.
I wondered if the opportunity was simply gone.
But today, I can see something I couldn’t see then.
A few months ago, I wasn’t ready.
My schedule wasn’t ready.
My life wasn’t ready.
Had that opportunity happened at that exact time, I don’t think I could have stewarded it well.
I would have been overwhelmed trying to force something into a season that wasn’t prepared to hold it.
And that realization made me think about how often we interpret a delay as a denial.
Sometimes we assume that because something isn’t happening, something has gone wrong.
But what if we’re simply looking at one piece of the puzzle?
We can’t see the whole picture yet.
Keep Showing Up While You Wait
This is where I think we have to be careful with the phrase “God’s timing.”
I believe there are things we can’t control.
There are doors we can’t force open.
There are seasons that require patience.
But I don’t believe trusting God’s timing means sitting on the couch waiting for your life to happen.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep showing up.
Keep doing the work that’s in front of you.
Even when it’s work you’d rather not do.
Even when nobody is applauding.
Even when you don’t know whether the effort will pay off.
Even when you can’t see where it’s going.
Because while you’re taking your next step, things may be developing that you can’t see yet.
You may be gaining skills.
Building relationships.
Becoming more prepared.
Healing.
Learning.
Creating capacity.
Becoming the person who can actually handle the thing you’ve been asking for.
Sometimes the preparation happens long before the opportunity arrives.
Don’t Confuse Waiting With Doing Nothing
There’s a difference between waiting and giving up.
There’s a difference between trusting and avoiding.
There’s a difference between being patient and refusing to move.
Trusting the process doesn’t mean you stop participating in it.
You can pray and take action.
You can trust and prepare.
You can wait and still grow.
You can believe something is coming while continuing to do the work available to you today.
That’s what I’ve tried to remind myself of over the years.
I don’t need to see the entire staircase.
I just need to take the next right step.
And sometimes that step feels incredibly small.
Send the email.
Make the phone call.
Take the class.
Have the conversation.
Finish the project.
Learn the skill.
Rest when you actually need rest.
Try again.
Ask for help.
Keep showing up.
You don’t always know which small action will eventually become an important piece of the bigger picture.
Maybe the Question Needs to Change
Maybe today isn’t about asking:
“Why me?”
Maybe it’s about asking:
“What is this preparing me for?”
That doesn’t mean forcing a positive interpretation onto something painful.
It means becoming curious about what this season might be teaching you.
Maybe you’re learning patience.
Maybe you’re learning boundaries.
Maybe you’re learning resilience.
Maybe you’re learning how to trust yourself.
Maybe you’re learning how to ask for help.
Maybe you’re learning what you actually want.
Maybe you’re becoming more compassionate because you’ve experienced something you never thought you’d have to walk through.
Maybe you’re being prepared for an opportunity you can’t see yet.
Or maybe you’re simply becoming stronger and more aware than you were before.
You don’t have to know the answer immediately.
Sometimes the answer comes later.
Your Story Isn’t Wasted
One of the things I believe more deeply now is that our stories matter.
Not because every painful experience needs to become a public lesson.
It doesn’t.
Some things are private.
Some things are sacred.
Some things take years before we’re ready to talk about them.
But there may come a time when you realize:
“I’ve been through this before. Maybe I can help someone who is there now.”
That’s powerful.
The person who has struggled with something can often recognize that struggle in someone else.
The person who has been lost may know what it feels like when someone else says, “I don’t know what to do.”
The person who has experienced heartbreak may know how to sit beside someone else’s pain without trying to fix it.
The person who has rebuilt their life may be able to remind someone else that rebuilding is possible.
Sometimes the very places where we once felt broken become the places from which we can offer compassion.
Keep Taking the Next Right Step
I don’t know what you’re going through right now.
Maybe you’re in a season where everything seems to be moving.
Or maybe you’re in a season where nothing seems to be happening.
Maybe you’re waiting on an opportunity.
Maybe you’re recovering from a loss.
Maybe you’re questioning your business.
Maybe you’re wondering whether you’ve taken the wrong path.
Maybe you’re asking God for an answer and hearing nothing but silence.
If that’s where you are, I want to remind you:
You don’t have to see the whole picture today.
Keep learning.
Keep growing.
Keep showing up.
Keep taking the next right step.
Trust the process, but participate in it.
And when you look back someday, you may realize that the season you thought was holding you back was actually preparing you for the thing you weren’t ready for yet.
Maybe the puzzle pieces aren’t missing.
Maybe they’re just not in place yet.
And maybe that’s okay.
So instead of asking only:
“Why me?”
Try asking:
“What is this preparing me for?”
I have a feeling the answer to that question might just change your life.
With love,
Hope
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