What’s the Point? How to Stop Focusing on the Mud in Life

by Hope Zvara | Oct 5, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Working With Hope

My Brain Really Likes the Mud 😂

Ever wonder what the point of something is?

Why am I working at this job? Why am I still in this relationship? Why did I say yes to that? Why am I still here? Why is my life this way?

I’ve had a lot of curveballs thrown at me in my life, and when I was younger, I would ask, “Why?”

Then I got a bit older and started asking, “What’s the point?”

But here’s what’s funny. I only seemed to ask that question when things weren’t going well. When they weren’t going MY way.

In other words, when life got hard.

Why Do We Only Ask When Things Are Hard?

Why do we rarely ask “what’s the point?” when things are going great?

Why did I marry the love of my life? Why did I get the opportunity? Why did I buy the house? Why am I healthy enough to do the things I love? Why did I get to go on this amazing trip?

Who asks those questions?

No one. 😂

Part of this is actually how our brains work. There’s something called negativity bias, which basically means our brains naturally give more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.

Basically, your brain is really good at spotting the mud.

Sun’s out, it’s 75 degrees, beautiful day…but you step in mud.

What are you thinking about now?

The mud.

I literally just experienced this.

Over the last several weeks, I’ve received dozens of raving comments on my YouTube videos. Women telling me how much the workouts are helping them, how much they love my teaching style, and that they’re coming back for more.

Then ONE person told me my intro was too long.

Guess which comment I kept thinking about?

Yep. That one. 😂

My brain apparently decided the intro lady deserved VIP access to my thoughts.

That’s negativity bias in real life.

Your Brain Will Notice What’s Wrong

You lose 10 pounds but still have 20 to go. Instead of celebrating the TEN FREAKING POUNDS you lost, you’re focused on what’s left.

You overcome obstacle after obstacle and make huge strides in your life, yet because you don’t have exactly what you want RIGHT NOW, somehow none of it feels like enough.

I’m guilty of this.

For a long time, my inner voice was an absolute mess. I grew up in a house where one parent rarely spoke positively about their life or the lives of others, and without realizing it, I took some of that on.

Eventually, it became how I talked to myself.

Smart. But not smart enough.

Pretty. But not pretty enough.

Successful. But not successful enough.

Good. But not good enough.

There was always a “but.”

Maybe the Point Isn’t Gone

And here’s where this whole “what’s the point?” thing gets interesting.

Maybe the point doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

Maybe we just have a harder time seeing it.

When something isn’t going well, our attention goes there immediately.

What’s wrong?

What’s missing?

Why isn’t this working?

What’s the point?

Meanwhile, 15 other things could be going right, and we’re barely noticing them.

Now, that doesn’t mean you slap a positive affirmation over something painful and pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows.

Listen, I LOVE a good positive quote.

But a positive quote is not a life strategy.

Sorry, Sarah. 😂

Sometimes the job DOES need to change.

Sometimes the relationship DOES need to end.

Sometimes the thing you’ve been pushing toward isn’t right anymore.

And sometimes something really does suck.

The point isn’t to ignore what’s wrong.

It’s to stop allowing what’s wrong to become the only thing you can see.

What Am I Not Seeing?

Maybe instead of immediately asking, “What’s the point?” we ask:

What am I not seeing because I’m so focused on this one thing?

What IS working?

Is this actually bad, or is it just not going how I wanted it to?

Do I need to change something, or do I need to give this more time?

Because sometimes you won’t know the point of something for YEARS.

I’ve had plenty of those.

Things I once prayed would disappear from my life are now experiences I pull from when I teach, write, speak, parent, and help other people.

Would I have volunteered for all of them?

HELL NO.

But here I am.

And maybe that’s something I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older.

I don’t always need to know the point while I’m standing in the middle of it.

While I’m standing in the mud.

Sometimes the point shows up later.

Sometimes I give it a point.

And sometimes something happened, it sucked, I dealt with it, and moved forward.

That’s life too.

Don’t Let One Thing Become Everything

What I don’t want to do anymore is let one wrong thing convince me that everything is wrong.

One crappy comment doesn’t erase dozens of great ones.

One business problem doesn’t mean the business is failing.

One hard season doesn’t mean you have a hard life.

One last place doesn’t mean you will never have a first.

And one muddy step doesn’t mean the entire freaking day is ruined.

My brain will probably always notice the mud.

Fine.

I just don’t have to build a house there.

The mud is real.

But so is the sunshine.

And I’m getting a little better at noticing both.

Hope

PS: It’s just a little mud.

When Silence Feels Like Rejection: Learning to Trust the Process

by Hope Zvara | Sep 23, 2026 | Coaching & Business, Inspirational, Wellness Wednesday, Working With Hope

Lately, I’ve been reminded that corporate pace is real.

I was on a phone call recently helping a company place an order for 25 massage guns and pain cream for gifts. As we were chatting, he casually brought up a project we had been working on over a year ago.

One I thought was dead.

And then he started talking about moving forward.

I had to laugh.

As an entrepreneur, I’m used to moving quickly. I have an idea, make a decision, figure out a plan, and get to work.

It’s just how I’m wired.

That doesn’t always make me right, but it does mean I’m comfortable making decisions with imperfect information and adjusting as I go.

Corporate doesn’t usually work that way.

If you’ve ever worked with a large organization, you probably know exactly what I mean.

You spend months building a relationship.

You finally get the meeting.

The conversation is incredible.

Everyone is excited.

Ideas are flying.

You leave thinking:

This is it.

Then…

Nothing.

A month goes by.

Then three.

Then six.

Before you know it, a year has passed.

And somewhere along the way, your brain starts writing stories.

“They changed their mind.”

“They found someone else.”

“I must have done something wrong.”

“They’re probably moving in a different direction.”

Then, almost out of nowhere, you get the email.

“We’re ready.”

It’s almost laughable because you’ve already convinced yourself the opportunity disappeared.

I know I have.

Sometimes It’s Just Corporate Pace

Yesterday’s conversation reminded me how often this actually happens.

For over a year, I felt ghosted.

I’d spoken with these people, but there had been zero movement around the full-day planning session they had actually flown me halfway across the country for.

Then he drops the line:

“Yeah, corporate pace.”

And suddenly, I understood.

Corporations have layers.

Budgets.

Leadership changes.

Planning meetings.

Legal reviews.

Compliance.

Multiple departments.

Multiple decision-makers.

Sometimes an organization can be excited about an idea and still take months, or even years, to actually move on it.

That doesn’t necessarily mean someone doesn’t care.

It doesn’t necessarily mean the opportunity disappeared.

It doesn’t necessarily mean you did something wrong.

Sometimes it’s simply moving at a pace that is very different from yours.

It’s not you. It’s just corporate pace.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn’t just a corporate lesson.

It’s a life lesson.

Maybe it’s one you need right now, too.

We Live in a World That Wants Everything Now

As entrepreneurs, we’re constantly encouraged to move.

Keep grinding.

Keep hustling.

Keep pushing.

Keep creating.

Keep posting.

Keep selling.

Keep growing.

If things feel quiet, do more.

If you aren’t seeing results, work harder.

If someone hasn’t responded, move on.

If something isn’t happening quickly, maybe it’s not meant to happen.

But I’m starting to question that last one.

Because what if the absence of visible progress doesn’t mean there is no progress?

What if there are things happening that you simply can’t see yet?

We live in a world where social media makes everything look immediate.

We see the launch.

The new client.

The sold-out event.

The business milestone.

The transformation.

The announcement.

But we don’t always see the months or years that happened before that moment.

We don’t see the unanswered emails.

The awkward conversations.

The waiting.

The uncertainty.

The setbacks.

The moments when someone wondered if any of it was actually going to work.

We see the result.

We don’t always see the process.

And somewhere along the way, we’ve started believing that progress has to be visible to be real.

I’m not so sure that’s true anymore.

Our Brains Want an Answer

In true Hope fashion, I did a little digging.

One thing that has really stuck with me is how uncomfortable uncertainty can be.

When we don’t have an answer, our brains want to create one.

We don’t like gaps.

We don’t like unanswered questions.

We don’t like not knowing what something means.

So we fill in the blanks.

And unfortunately, the story we create isn’t always a positive one.

Someone doesn’t respond to our email.

We think they aren’t interested.

A client takes longer to make a decision.

We assume they found someone else.

A business opportunity goes quiet.

We decide we’ve failed.

Someone doesn’t call us back.

We assume we did something wrong.

The problem is that we often mistake our interpretation for fact.

I’ve caught myself doing this.

I’ll think:

“They don’t want to work with me.”

“I must have done something wrong.”

“They’ve moved on.”

“They don’t see the value.”

Then I stop and ask myself:

Do I actually know that?

Most of the time…

No.

I don’t.

I created a story because I didn’t have an answer.

That realization has been a game changer for me.

Ask Yourself What You Actually Know

Now, when I notice myself creating a story before I know the facts, I ask myself a simple question:

What do I actually know to be true?

Not what do I think is true.

Not what am I afraid is true.

Not what would make the most sense based on my past experiences.

What do I actually know?

Sometimes the answer is surprisingly small.

Maybe I know that they haven’t responded.

That’s it.

I don’t know why.

Maybe I know the project hasn’t moved forward.

That’s it.

I don’t know whether it’s dead.

Maybe I know someone hasn’t called.

That’s it.

I don’t know what is happening on their end.

That distinction matters.

Because when you separate facts from assumptions, you create room for another possibility.

Maybe the story you’re telling yourself isn’t true.

Not Every Unanswered Email Is a Rejection

This lesson has helped me rethink how I respond to silence.

Not every unanswered email is a rejection.

Not every delay is a dead end.

Not every quiet season means nothing is happening.

Not every “I’ll get back to you” means “no.”

And not every opportunity that goes quiet is gone forever.

Sometimes people are dealing with things you know nothing about.

Sometimes organizations have processes you aren’t aware of.

Sometimes priorities change temporarily.

Sometimes decisions take longer than expected.

And sometimes people simply move at a different pace than you do.

That doesn’t mean you have to wait forever.

It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t follow up.

It doesn’t mean you should ignore reality.

It simply means you don’t have to create a negative conclusion before you have enough information to make one.

There is a difference between being realistic and writing the ending too early.

Not Everything Responds to Hustle

This might be one of the hardest lessons for an entrepreneur to learn.

Not everything responds to hustle.

Some things require consistency.

Some things require patience.

Some things require relationship-building.

Some things require trust.

Some things require timing.

Trust takes time.

Relationships take time.

Healing takes time.

Building a business takes time.

Changing your body takes time.

Raising kids takes time.

Learning something new takes time.

Becoming a better leader takes time.

There are things you can push.

And there are things you simply cannot force.

Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is continue showing up without convincing yourself that silence means failure.

That’s a different kind of work.

It’s not passive.

It’s not giving up.

It’s learning how to stay steady when you don’t have all the answers.

What If You’re Not Behind?

I think this is where the lesson becomes bigger than business.

Maybe you’re looking at your business right now wondering why it isn’t growing faster.

Maybe you’ve been working toward something for months and haven’t seen the results you expected.

Maybe you’ve sent the proposal.

Made the offer.

Started the project.

Changed the habit.

Taken the first step.

And now…

It’s quiet.

It’s tempting to assume that quiet means you’re behind.

But what if it doesn’t?

What if you’re simply in a part of the process that isn’t visible yet?

We celebrate breakthroughs.

But we don’t always celebrate the waiting that came before them.

We celebrate the finished product.

But we don’t always celebrate the messy middle.

We celebrate the transformation.

But we don’t always recognize the hundreds of small choices that created it.

A seed doesn’t look like a tree while it’s growing.

And your progress doesn’t always look like progress while you’re in the middle of it.

Give Yourself Permission to Not Know Yet

Maybe this is the real lesson.

You don’t always have to know.

You don’t always have to have an answer.

You don’t always have to know what something means.

And you definitely don’t have to create an answer just because the silence makes you uncomfortable.

You can say:

“I don’t know yet.”

And be okay with that.

You can continue doing your part while allowing someone else to do theirs.

You can follow up without obsessing.

You can stay open without becoming attached to an outcome.

You can keep building without needing immediate validation that you’re on the right path.

That’s what trust can look like.

Not sitting around and hoping everything works out.

But doing your part and allowing the rest to unfold.

Before You Let Your Mind Write the Ending

Maybe there’s something in your life right now that feels quiet.

Something you’ve been praying for.

Working toward.

Waiting on.

Something that doesn’t seem to be moving at the speed you expected.

Before you let your mind write the ending, pause.

Ask yourself:

What do I actually know to be true?

Maybe you know that the email hasn’t been answered.

Maybe you know the opportunity hasn’t moved yet.

Maybe you know the result hasn’t shown up.

But what you don’t know may be just as important.

You don’t know that it’s over.

You don’t know that you’ve failed.

You don’t know that you’ve been forgotten.

You don’t know that the opportunity is gone.

You don’t know that you’re behind.

You may simply be in a waiting period.

And maybe that’s okay.

Maybe they didn’t forget about you.

Maybe they aren’t saying no.

Maybe they’re just moving at a pace that’s different than yours.

And maybe that’s true for more than just business.

Sometimes life has its own pace.

Sometimes people have their own pace.

Sometimes healing has its own pace.

Sometimes opportunities take longer than we expect.

And sometimes the thing you thought was dead is simply waiting for the right moment to come back to life.

So keep showing up.

Keep doing your part.

Keep listening.

Keep moving when movement is needed.

And when things get quiet, resist the urge to fill the silence with a story you don’t know to be true.

You might discover that the story you’ve been telling yourself was never the truth in the first place.

All the best,

Hope

Finding Purpose Through Hardship: What Difficult Seasons Can Teach You

I write about what’s real in my life. Finding Purpose Through Hardship

Sometimes I sit down with a clear idea of what I want to say. Other times, like today, I simply start typing and trust that somewhere along the way I’ll figure out where I’m going.

Lately, I’ve been challenging myself to do more of that.

To stop waiting until I have the perfect topic, the perfect lesson, or the perfect ending and instead just write.

Because if I’m being honest, my head is always full.

Right now, I could tell you about an incredible speaking client who just booked six ideal stages. I could talk about why vibration plates are one of the most misunderstood pieces of fitness equipment because they’re often used only semi-correctly.

I could tell you about the eye-opening moments of parenting teenagers while also helping parent one of my own parents.

I could vent about credit cards, laugh about why my office always seems to look like a tornado blew through it, share my progress on reintroducing dairy after decades of digestive issues, or simply tell you what I’m learning forty years into this beautiful, messy life.

Instead, I keep coming back to one word.

Purpose.

I Believe We All Have a Purpose

I talk about purpose a lot because I genuinely believe every one of us has one.

Maybe even several.

I’ve always felt connected to the idea that I wasn’t just living life. I was meant to live a life on purpose.

That I really was meant for more.

I can feel it.

That doesn’t mean I’ve always known exactly what that purpose was.

It just means I’ve trusted there was something bigger than what I could see.

And I think there’s an important distinction there.

You don’t necessarily need to know exactly what your purpose is in order to believe you have one.

Sometimes purpose becomes clearer as you live.

As you learn.

As you struggle.

As you make mistakes.

As you try things.

As you discover what you’re good at, what matters to you, and what you can offer other people.

Sometimes the path only makes sense when you look backward.

Maybe There Is Purpose in the Pain

Years ago, someone said something to me that I’ve never forgotten.

They told me that people who struggle with addiction, make it to the other side, and truly learn from it often have big plans waiting for them.

That sentence stayed with me.

Not because I thought, Well… I must have big plans.

But because it gave me hope that maybe there was purpose in the pain.

Maybe the struggle wasn’t something to simply survive.

Maybe it was preparing me for something I couldn’t yet understand.

That’s a very different way of looking at hardship.

Instead of asking only:

“Why is this happening to me?”

You eventually start asking:

“What can I learn from this?”

And sometimes that question can change everything.

Why We Sometimes Stay in What Hurts Us

Over the years, I’ve noticed something.

Some people move through their struggles.

Others seem to keep one foot in them.

Not because they want to suffer.

I don’t believe that at all.

I think sometimes struggle becomes familiar.

We know how to navigate it.

We know who we are inside of it.

Stepping beyond it means becoming someone new.

And honestly, that’s scary.

Looking back, I know exactly what kept me in addiction for so many years.

It wasn’t because I enjoyed it.

It wasn’t because I wanted to stay there.

It was because the discomfort I knew somehow felt safer than the discomfort I didn’t.

And the thought of failing at the unknown was far worse than being good at what was destroying my life.

Read that again.

The discomfort I knew felt easier than the uncertainty I didn’t.

When I write those words today, it almost sounds ridiculous.

But fear has a funny way of convincing us that what’s familiar is somehow safer than what’s possible.

Fear Can Become Your Compass

Fear can become a powerful compass.

The problem is that it almost always points you back toward comfort instead of growth.

Think about how often we try to avoid difficult things.

Health:

Give me the pill.

The injection.

The shortcut.

Finances:

How do I make money fast?

Work:

I’ll just stay here. That leap takes too much work.

Relationships:

Maybe I’ll just stay because starting over feels harder.

Parenting:

Maybe I’ll just give in because holding the boundary is harder.

We’re constantly looking for ways to make difficult things easier.

And maybe that’s simply part of being human.

But when I look back over the last forty years, I honestly can’t think of one lesson that truly changed me because life was easy.

Not one.

The moments that shaped me required discomfort.

The seasons that stretched me forced me to look at myself differently.

And sometimes I wasn’t particularly impressed with what I saw.

The Hard Things Often Become the Transformative Things

The biggest shifts in my life didn’t happen because everything went according to plan.

They didn’t happen because I got what I wanted without much effort.

They happened because something challenged what I believed, what I expected, or who I thought I was.

That’s where growth happened.

I don’t think we need to go looking for hard things.

Life has a way of bringing us enough of them without even asking.

But I do think we need to stop believing that hard automatically means something has gone wrong.

Hard doesn’t automatically mean impossible.

Hard doesn’t automatically mean unattainable.

And hard doesn’t automatically mean you’re on the wrong path.

Sometimes hard is where courage is built.

Sometimes hard is where wisdom is found.

Sometimes hard is simply the season before clarity.

What If Your Repeated Struggles Are Trying to Teach You Something?

I was talking with someone close to me recently, and I found myself saying something I’ve actually believed for a long time.

I think life has a way of putting the same circumstances, situations, and even similar people in front of us until we learn what we’re supposed to learn.

Different faces.

Different jobs.

Different relationships.

Different opportunities.

Same lesson.

I don’t believe that’s punishment.

I believe it’s preparation.

It’s a do-over until you get it right.

The older I get, the less I think those repeated lessons are random.

I think they’re invitations.

Invitations to respond differently.

To grow a little more.

To let go of an old story.

To become someone we couldn’t become any other way.

And maybe that’s where purpose begins.

Purpose Isn’t Always Found in the Easy Seasons

Maybe purpose doesn’t begin because everything is going well.

Maybe purpose begins because we choose not to waste the hard things.

Looking back, I wouldn’t choose many of the difficult things I’ve walked through.

But I also wouldn’t erase them.

Without them, I wouldn’t have the awareness and empathy I have today.

I wouldn’t have the perspective.

I wouldn’t have the faith.

I wouldn’t have the ability to sit across from someone who’s struggling and honestly say:

“I understand.”

That’s something hardship gave me.

Not because hardship itself was good.

But because I chose to learn from it.

And there’s a difference.

You Don’t Have to Make Your Struggle Meaningless

Maybe that’s what purpose looks like.

Not a perfect life.

Not an easy life.

But a life that’s willing to let the hard things become meaningful instead of meaningless.

Your difficult season doesn’t have to become your identity.

Your mistakes don’t have to become your future.

Your past doesn’t have to determine what you’re capable of becoming.

But you do have to be willing to look at it.

To learn from it.

To stop telling yourself the stories that keep you stuck.

And sometimes that requires telling yourself the truth.

Even when the truth isn’t comfortable.

Sometimes We Have to Call Ourselves Out

One of the most powerful things I’ve done for myself is learn to call myself out for the lies I keep living.

The fake truths I tell myself so I don’t have to try.

So I can feel sorry for myself.

So I can stay stuck.

So I can secretly hope someone else will fix my mess.

That’s uncomfortable to admit.

But it’s also freeing.

Because once you recognize the story you’re telling yourself, you have the opportunity to change it.

Maybe you’re telling yourself you’re not capable.

Maybe you’re telling yourself it’s too late.

Maybe you’re telling yourself that someone else is responsible for changing your life.

Maybe you’re telling yourself that because something didn’t work before, it never will.

Maybe you’re waiting for motivation before you take action.

Sometimes the hard thing in front of you isn’t the circumstance.

Sometimes the hard thing is being honest about the role you’re playing in staying there.

What Are You Being Prepared For?

I don’t know what you’re walking through today.

Maybe you’re in a season that feels heavy.

Maybe you’re waiting for clarity.

Maybe you’re wondering why life feels harder than you expected.

Maybe you’re dealing with a situation you never would have chosen for yourself.

If that’s you, don’t be so quick to assume the struggle has no purpose.

And don’t assume you’re the only one.

You may not understand it today.

You may not see where it’s going.

You may not even be able to imagine how something good could possibly come from it.

But you can choose what you do with the season you’re in.

You can learn.

You can grow.

You can ask better questions.

You can take responsibility for your part.

You can let go of the stories that keep you stuck.

You can become more aware.

You can keep moving.

Maybe the Obstacle Isn’t What Changes Your Life

One day, you may look back and realize it wasn’t the obstacle that changed your life.

It was who you became because of it.

Maybe that is the purpose hidden inside some of the hardest seasons.

Not that the pain was necessary.

Not that the struggle was something you deserved.

Not that every difficult thing happens for a reason we can immediately understand.

But that you can choose to grow through what you didn’t choose.

You can choose to let your experiences shape you without allowing them to define you.

You can choose to become wiser.

More compassionate.

More courageous.

More honest.

More grounded.

More connected to your purpose.

And sometimes the thing you’re desperately trying to get away from becomes the very thing that teaches you how to move toward the life you’re meant to live.

So if life feels hard right now, don’t be so quick to assume you’re failing.

Maybe you’re learning.

Maybe you’re growing.

Maybe you’re being prepared.

Maybe there’s something you’re becoming that you couldn’t have become any other way.

Keep moving.

Hope

What It Really Means to Never Leave the Pack

by Hope Zvara | Sep 7, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Working With Hope

What It Really Means to Never Leave the Pack

I’m sitting at the pool in Mexico and said I wasn’t going to do ANY work this week.

But apparently sunshine, a lawn chair, and a little space to think has me inspired to share something with you all.

I’ve been thinking about relationships.

In life, relationships can make or break so much of our happiness.

Some people will say, “I don’t need anyone.”

But you and I both know that’s not really true.

We humans are social beings. We are wired for connection. We are pack animals, and I truly believe we are better together.

Which leads me to marriage.

Marriage Is Choosing Your Person

To me, marriage is one of the most cherished and important relationships you will ever have.

It’s a bond, an oath, a covenant between two people saying:

“I’m choosing you to be part of my pack, and I’m choosing to stay.”

But here’s where it gets interesting.

People change.

People grow.

People evolve.

People expand.

I’ve heard people say many times, “We just grew apart.”

And yes, sometimes people do.

Sometimes relationships end for very real reasons, and you cannot force another person to want the same depth of relationship you do.

But after 20 years of marriage, here’s my awareness around “growing apart.”

If you want to grow together, both people have to prioritize the bond.

Otherwise, yes, it becomes incredibly easy to grow apart.

I’m sitting on this lawn chair next to my husband, and I can tell you we have both grown, evolved, and changed tremendously over the years.

We’ve had moments and seasons where we weren’t 100% in alignment.

We’ve been through loss, stress, raising kids, building businesses, changing dreams, changing ourselves, and all the things life throws at two people over 20 years.

But we didn’t leave the pack.

We Didn’t Leave the Pack

There have been times when one of us wandered a little farther than the other.

Times when one was struggling and the other was stronger.

Times when we didn’t completely understand each other.

But we both prioritized finding our way back to each other.

Because when you find yourself alone, astray, scared, or unsure, the hope is that the person on the other end loves you enough to come searching for you.

Not because you’re incapable of finding your own way home, but because they don’t want you out there alone.

And I think that’s a really important distinction.

Marriage shouldn’t mean losing yourself.

In fact, I think a great marriage should give you MORE space to become who you are meant to become.

You should take care of yourself.

Have dreams.

Have interests.

Have friendships.

Take care of your body and mind.

Grow spiritually.

Challenge yourself.

Discover new things about yourself.

Continue becoming YOU.

But there’s a difference between taking care of yourself and making everything about yourself.

A healthy marriage requires two whole people who are willing to remember there is now a “we” alongside the “me.”

And I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is wanting that growth for them too.

You want a partner who is confident enough, secure enough, kind enough, and committed enough that they don’t feel threatened by your growth.

They open doors for it.

They cheer for it.

They make room for it.

They remind you who you are when you forget.

And when you grow, they don’t immediately assume you’re growing away from them.

They get curious about who you’re becoming and figure out how to keep growing alongside you.

That, to me, is partnership.

We Need to Talk About What Commitment Really Means

But I also think there is something really important that needs to happen before you ever make that kind of commitment.

You have to talk about what commitment actually means.

And I mean REALLY talk about it.

Not just, “Do you love me?”

Not just, “Do you want to marry me?”

Of course you do in that moment.

I’m talking about the harder conversations that I think far too many people assume they don’t need to have.

What does marriage actually mean to you?

What does commitment look like when we aren’t getting along?

What happens when one of us changes?

Struggles?

Gets lost?

What happens when life looks nothing like we thought it would?

Are you willing to work through uncomfortable seasons instead of immediately looking for an exit?

Because I think sometimes people walk into marriage assuming they’re both carrying the same definition of commitment.

And that’s a BIG assumption to make about one of the biggest decisions of your life.

Before you decide you’ve found your person for life, I believe you both need to wholeheartedly understand what you’re agreeing to.

Marriage isn’t just another box to check because you’ve been dating for a certain amount of time, you’re a certain age, everyone else is doing it, or because it feels like the logical next step.

Because if marriage is simply a box to check, it can eventually become a box to uncheck.

Marriage is choosing someone to walk through LIFE with.

And in life, you will see it all.

There will be seasons when you’re not your best self.

Seasons when they’re not theirs.

There will be stress, disappointment, change, grief, financial pressure, parenting, aging, career changes, health challenges, and moments when one or both of you wonder:

“Who even am I right now?”

That’s why I think these conversations matter before the wedding, before the house, before the kids, before your lives become so intertwined that you’re trying to figure out what commitment means in the middle of a crisis.

Don’t assume.

Talk about it.

Ask the uncomfortable questions.

Listen carefully to the answers.

And maybe even more importantly, pay attention to whether that person’s actions already match the commitment they’re describing.

Because saying, “I want to spend my life with you,” is beautiful.

But what you’re really asking each other is:

Are you willing to keep choosing us while we both become people we haven’t even met yet?

Because neither of you is going to stay the same.

I certainly haven’t.

And neither has my husband.

But I don’t think marriage is about finding someone who promises never to change.

I think it’s about finding someone who understands that you will BOTH change and is wholeheartedly committed to continuing to find each other as you do.

You Can’t Force Someone to Meet You There

And here’s the plot twist.

You can’t make someone want to meet you there.

You can’t force vulnerability.

You can’t force honesty.

You can’t force loyalty.

You can’t force emotional maturity.

You can’t force someone to value the covenant at the same depth you do.

Sometimes one person keeps reaching, searching, communicating, and trying to find their way back to the pack, and the other person simply isn’t willing to come.

And I think that’s different from “we grew apart.”

Sometimes the deeper truth is that one person was never willing, or is no longer willing, to participate in the relationship at that depth.

You cannot maintain a pack of two by yourself.

What I Hope for My Kids

Which brings me back to marriage and why I’ve been thinking about all of this sitting here next to my husband.

My kids are getting older.

And one of my deepest hopes for them is that someday, if marriage is what they choose, they find a life partner they can enter into a covenant with who genuinely wants to be in their pack.

Someone who has the courage to meet them at the depths of emotional and spiritual connection.

Someone who understands that putting your own oxygen mask on is incredibly important, but once you choose to build a life with another person, life is no longer only about you.

I want my kids to find someone who wants them to take care of themselves.

Someone who wants them to have dreams, friendships, passions, goals, and a sense of self outside of their marriage.

Someone who doesn’t need them to dim their light so they can feel brighter.

Someone secure enough to say:

“Go. Grow. Become. I’ll be right here cheering you on.”

Someone who opens doors for them instead of closing them.

But I also want my kids to BE that person for someone else.

That’s the other half we don’t talk about enough.

Don’t Just Look for an Amazing Partner. Become One.

Don’t just spend your life looking for an amazing partner.

Become one.

Learn how to communicate.

Learn how to apologize.

Learn how to listen when every part of you wants to defend yourself.

Learn how to be honest even when honesty is uncomfortable.

Learn how to stay curious about another human being who will continue changing for the rest of their life.

Learn how to take care of yourself without making everything about yourself.

Learn how to love someone without trying to control them.

And learn that commitment sometimes means finding your way back to each other again and again and again.

What comes to mind for me is emotional intelligence.

I certainly didn’t enter my marriage 100% knowing myself, and neither did my husband.

We were young.

We had a lot to learn about ourselves, each other, communication, life, and what it really meant to build something together.

But I think we learned along the way that a deeper, more meaningful relationship requires a deeper emotional and spiritual connection.

A level of openness and commitment where bumps, lost paths, challenges, and uncertainty aren’t immediately viewed as reasons to leave the pack, but invitations to dig deeper and find each other again.

After 20 Years, We’re Still Choosing Each Other

I’m not writing this because I think I have a perfect marriage.

I don’t.

But after 20 years, I think we’ve figured out a few things.

And today we are in a deeply good place on many levels.

More than anything, I’m writing this for my kids.

Because despite what the world, social media, or whatever else may tell you, I still deeply believe in the sanctity and beauty of a monogamous, long-term marriage.

Not because it’s easy.

Not because two people magically remain the same forever.

But because there is something incredibly powerful about looking at another human being after years of life together and realizing:

We’ve both changed. And somehow, through all of that changing, we kept choosing each other.

For me, a great marriage requires both people to get over themselves while still taking care of themselves.

It asks you to dig deeper than you might ever have to alone.

To be vulnerable, open, trustworthy, honest, flexible, forgiving, and most of all, loyal.

And personally, I believe the order matters.

God first.

Then each other.

And together, your children.

Because one day your children will grow up.

They’ll leave your home, build lives, and hopefully create packs of their own.

And after all the carpools, sports, school, work, bills, businesses, laundry, arguments, celebrations, losses, vacations, hard seasons, beautiful seasons, and ordinary Tuesdays have passed, hopefully you’ll look over at the person sitting in the lawn chair next to you and realize…

We never stopped finding each other.

Maybe that’s what it really means to never leave the pack.

Not that you never wander.

Not that you never change.

Not that you never get lost.

But that you both entered into it wholeheartedly knowing:

If you wander, I’ll come looking for you. And if I wander, I trust you’ll come looking for me.

And somewhere along the way, you realize you didn’t just stay married.

You became each other’s home.

Active Waiting: Maybe You’re Not Stuck. Maybe You’re Being Prepared.

by Hope Zvara | Sep 2, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Wellness Wednesday, Working With Hope

Active Waiting: Maybe You’re Not Stuck. Maybe You’re Being Prepared.

When things get hard, we all respond differently.

Some people retreat.

Some become workaholics. Others stop doing much of anything. Some throw themselves into distractions or unhealthy habits. Some pray. Some work out. Some take better care of themselves, while others stop taking care of themselves altogether.

And then there are those who eventually learn something different:

How to keep taking one step forward while allowing what comes next to reveal itself.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I have a lot on my plate right now.

But strangely, it doesn’t necessarily feel like too much.

It feels more like I have a bunch of things sitting near the finish line.

Or maybe a better way to describe it is that they’re all waiting at the door to the next level in this giant video game called life.

Some things are moving.

Some things are clicking.

And some things are sitting in this strange standstill where the message I keep getting is simply:

Be patient and wait.

Ugh.

Not exactly my favorite instructions.

But here’s what I’ve learned about waiting.

I don’t believe that when God tells us to wait, He means we should do nothing.

I don’t think we’re supposed to sit around like we’re 20 people deep at the DMV, pull out our phones, scroll ourselves to death, and hope eventually someone calls our number.

I believe there is such a thing as active waiting.

What Is Active Waiting?

Waiting doesn’t mean doing nothing.

Waiting means not forcing what isn’t ready while continuing to prepare for what might be.

That’s a very different thing.

Being still doesn’t mean becoming stagnant.

Being still means quieting yourself enough to recognize what actually deserves your next move.

Letting go doesn’t mean giving up.

Letting go means releasing your death grip on exactly how, when, and where you think something is supposed to happen while continuing to participate in your own life.

There is a big difference.

And for someone like me, that’s been a lesson.

I’ve never been particularly good at doing nothing.

My personality, my wiring, my life’s purpose, whatever you want to call it, has always been wrapped up in movement.

I like forward motion.

But I’ve had to learn that forward motion doesn’t always look like crossing a finish line.

Sometimes Forward Motion Is Preparation

Sometimes moving forward means preparing.

Sometimes it means learning.

Sometimes it means healing.

Sometimes it’s making the phone call.

Taking the class.

Building a relationship.

Writing the thing.

Starting the project.

Taking care of your body.

Or continuing to show up for something that isn’t producing the outcome you expected yet.

And sometimes forward motion actually requires you to stop pushing so hard and allow something to unfold without trying to wrestle it into existence.

That’s been a hard one for me.

Because when we want something badly enough, waiting can feel like failure.

We start questioning everything.

Maybe this isn’t right.

Maybe I misunderstood.

Maybe I should quit.

Maybe something else would happen faster.

Maybe everyone else has figured this out except me.

But what if the waiting period isn’t only about getting what you want?

What if part of the waiting is about becoming the person capable of handling what you want when it arrives?

Sometimes We Quit During the Waiting Period

I’ve watched far too many people walk away from ideas, businesses, relationships, dreams, and opportunities because they hit a waiting period and simply got sick of waiting.

And I understand it.

Waiting can make you question everything.

When you don’t see immediate results, it’s easy to assume nothing is happening.

But something may be happening beneath the surface.

You may be learning something.

Growing.

Healing.

Building relationships.

Developing skills.

Becoming more resilient.

Getting clearer about what you actually want.

The problem is that preparation rarely feels as exciting as arrival.

We want the breakthrough.

We want the open door.

We want the answer.

We want the next chapter.

But sometimes the most important work happens before any of those things become visible.

My Own Life Has Been Full of Waiting

After high school, I went to college.

Honestly, I didn’t really know there were other options at the time.

College was simply what you did, so that’s what I did.

I remember waiting for that feeling of knowing what I was supposed to do with my life.

A lot of my friends seemed clearer than I was.

Even my now husband seemed to know what he wanted to do and confidently chose a direction that aligned with it.

Me?

Not so much.

I somewhat randomly chose a degree path involving theology and public speaking.

Looking back now, that’s actually kind of hilarious considering where my life eventually went.

Maybe it wasn’t so random after all.

About a year into college, I knew that path wasn’t for me.

So I dropped out and pursued something else that had started revealing itself only a few months after I began college.

Yoga.

Teaching.

Movement.

Then came opening a yoga studio.

Eventually, a yoga school.

Business coaching.

Speaking coaching.

Traveling.

Speaking.

Building businesses.

Eventually closing the studio and school and entering an industry where I knew virtually no one.

Then came Mother Trucker Yoga.

Products.

Corporate wellness programs.

Writing.

More teaching.

More speaking.

More business.

And now I find myself circling back to movement, health, writing, business, communication, and teaching in ways I couldn’t possibly have predicted 20 years ago.

I Was Waiting the Entire Time

Here’s what’s fascinating to me.

I was waiting the entire time.

But I wasn’t sitting around doing nothing.

I was living.

Learning.

Building.

Growing.

Moving forward.

And waiting.

None of those things ever completely felt like “it.”

They felt right.

They felt important.

They felt like the next step.

But I always had this strange internal knowing that there was more.

For someone else, opening the yoga studio might have been the dream.

Becoming a coach might have been the destination.

Building a company might have been the thing.

For me, each one felt more like another piece of a puzzle.

I couldn’t see the picture yet.

But I knew the piece belonged somewhere.

The Pieces Don’t Always Make Sense Right Away

I graduated high school in 2002.

I opened my yoga studio in 2006.

It’s now 2026.

And after one of the more challenging and confusing seasons of my professional life, I’m beginning to watch pieces from more than two decades start clicking together like a puzzle I didn’t realize I had been building.

Movement.

Teaching.

Speaking.

Business.

Writing.

Health.

Coaching.

Entrepreneurship.

My own struggles.

My recovery.

The thousands of people I’ve taught.

The businesses that worked.

The ones that didn’t.

The doors that opened.

The doors that slammed shut.

Things I once thought were completely unrelated are starting to make sense together.

And that’s made me wonder:

What if waiting isn’t a hallway between where you are and where you’re supposed to be?

What if waiting is part of where you’re supposed to be?

What If You Don’t Need to Know Yet?

We’re obsessed with arriving.

We want to know what’s next.

We want a plan.

We want certainty.

We want to know that the work we’re doing today will lead directly to the outcome we’re hoping for tomorrow.

But maybe that’s not how life works.

Maybe we’re so focused on arriving that we miss what is being built while we wait.

Active waiting isn’t passive.

It’s continuing to show up.

Continuing to learn.

Taking care of your body.

Strengthening your relationships.

Making the call.

Writing the thing.

Pursuing the opportunity that feels right.

Developing the gifts you’ve been given.

Paying attention.

Praying.

Listening.

And maybe most importantly, learning to stop demanding that every single thing you do immediately explain how it fits into the final picture.

There Is Power in Not Knowing

Sometimes we know exactly what needs to be done, and it’s simply hard.

But other times, what makes a difficult season even harder is the uncertainty.

We don’t know how long it’s going to last.

We don’t know which decision is right.

We don’t know whether the opportunity is coming back.

We don’t know why the relationship changed.

We don’t know if the business will work.

We don’t know what God is doing.

And we don’t particularly like not knowing.

So we try to manufacture certainty.

We force things.

We quit.

We jump into something else.

We numb ourselves.

We scroll.

We overthink.

We ask 17 people what they think and somehow end up even more confused than when we started.

Anything to make the discomfort of not knowing disappear.

But what if you don’t need to know yet?

What if your job today isn’t to understand the entire plan?

What if your job is simply to identify the next right step and take it?

That’s very different from doing nothing.

And it’s very different from forcing something that isn’t ready.

Your Detours May Actually Be Preparation

Twenty-four years later, I’m beginning to understand that many of the things I once thought were detours were actually preparation.

I needed those rooms.

I needed those businesses.

I needed those failures and relationships and stages.

I needed the thousands of hours of teaching.

I even needed some of the waiting.

Because I couldn’t have known in 2002 what I know today.

And maybe I wasn’t supposed to.

That’s something worth remembering when you’re in a season that doesn’t make sense.

You don’t have to understand the entire path to take the next step.

You don’t have to know exactly where something is leading to know that it’s worth pursuing.

And you don’t have to label something a failure simply because it hasn’t become what you expected yet.

How to Practice Active Waiting

If you’re in a waiting season right now, ask yourself a few simple questions.

What Can I Learn?

Is there something this season is teaching you?

Maybe it’s patience.

Maybe it’s boundaries.

Maybe it’s communication.

Maybe it’s leadership.

Maybe it’s self-trust.

Pay attention to the lessons.

What Can I Build?

Waiting doesn’t mean putting your life on hold.

Is there a skill you can develop?

A relationship you can strengthen?

A project you can begin?

A habit you can improve?

Build what you can while you wait.

What Can I Take Care Of?

Your body still needs you.

Your relationships still need attention.

Your mind needs rest.

Your spiritual life may need space.

Taking care of yourself isn’t something you do after the next chapter begins.

It’s part of preparing for it.

What Am I Trying to Force?

This might be the hardest question.

Are you trying to make something happen simply because you’re uncomfortable with waiting?

Sometimes the next right step is action.

Sometimes it’s surrender.

Learning the difference is part of the work.

Do the Work Without Demanding the Timeline

That’s the balance I’m learning.

Do the work without demanding the timeline.

Move forward without forcing the outcome.

Be still without becoming stagnant.

Let go without giving up.

There is freedom in that.

You can participate fully in your life without trying to control every detail of how it unfolds.

You can keep moving while accepting that you don’t know exactly where you’re going.

You can trust that something may be developing even when you can’t see it yet.

And maybe that’s faith too.

Maybe even more so.

Maybe You’re Not Stuck

If you’re waiting right now, don’t confuse waiting with stopping your life.

Live.

Move.

Learn.

Build.

Pray.

Take care of yourself.

Follow the things that feel like the right next step, even if you can’t explain exactly where they’re taking you.

And when there truly isn’t a next move to make, have enough faith to stop forcing one.

The pieces you’re collecting today may not reveal the picture they’re creating until years from now.

I’m living proof of that.

Maybe the goal was never to get out of the waiting room as quickly as possible.

Maybe the goal was to live fully while you were there.

To become the person you needed to become so that when the next door finally opened, you were actually ready to walk through it.

And maybe that’s why, after all these years, I’m finally beginning to look at some of the things I’ve been waiting for and think:

Oh. Now I understand why it couldn’t have happened then.

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Your Brain Will Notice What’s Wrong

Maybe the Point Isn’t Gone

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We Live in a World That Wants Everything Now

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Ask Yourself What You Actually Know

Not Every Unanswered Email Is a Rejection

Not Everything Responds to Hustle

What If You’re Not Behind?

Give Yourself Permission to Not Know Yet

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