My Brain Really Likes the Mud 😂
Ever wonder what the point of something is?
Why am I working at this job? Why am I still in this relationship? Why did I say yes to that? Why am I still here? Why is my life this way?
I’ve had a lot of curveballs thrown at me in my life, and when I was younger, I would ask, “Why?”
Then I got a bit older and started asking, “What’s the point?”
But here’s what’s funny. I only seemed to ask that question when things weren’t going well. When they weren’t going MY way.
In other words, when life got hard.
Why Do We Only Ask When Things Are Hard?
Why do we rarely ask “what’s the point?” when things are going great?
Why did I marry the love of my life? Why did I get the opportunity? Why did I buy the house? Why am I healthy enough to do the things I love? Why did I get to go on this amazing trip?
Who asks those questions?
No one. 😂
Part of this is actually how our brains work. There’s something called negativity bias, which basically means our brains naturally give more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.
Basically, your brain is really good at spotting the mud.
Sun’s out, it’s 75 degrees, beautiful day…but you step in mud.
What are you thinking about now?
The mud.
I literally just experienced this.
Over the last several weeks, I’ve received dozens of raving comments on my YouTube videos. Women telling me how much the workouts are helping them, how much they love my teaching style, and that they’re coming back for more.
Then ONE person told me my intro was too long.
Guess which comment I kept thinking about?
Yep. That one. 😂
My brain apparently decided the intro lady deserved VIP access to my thoughts.
That’s negativity bias in real life.
Your Brain Will Notice What’s Wrong
You lose 10 pounds but still have 20 to go. Instead of celebrating the TEN FREAKING POUNDS you lost, you’re focused on what’s left.
You overcome obstacle after obstacle and make huge strides in your life, yet because you don’t have exactly what you want RIGHT NOW, somehow none of it feels like enough.
I’m guilty of this.
For a long time, my inner voice was an absolute mess. I grew up in a house where one parent rarely spoke positively about their life or the lives of others, and without realizing it, I took some of that on.
Eventually, it became how I talked to myself.
Smart. But not smart enough.
Pretty. But not pretty enough.
Successful. But not successful enough.
Good. But not good enough.
There was always a “but.”
Maybe the Point Isn’t Gone
And here’s where this whole “what’s the point?” thing gets interesting.
Maybe the point doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.
Maybe we just have a harder time seeing it.
When something isn’t going well, our attention goes there immediately.
What’s wrong?
What’s missing?
Why isn’t this working?
What’s the point?
Meanwhile, 15 other things could be going right, and we’re barely noticing them.
Now, that doesn’t mean you slap a positive affirmation over something painful and pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows.
Listen, I LOVE a good positive quote.
But a positive quote is not a life strategy.
Sorry, Sarah. 😂
Sometimes the job DOES need to change.
Sometimes the relationship DOES need to end.
Sometimes the thing you’ve been pushing toward isn’t right anymore.
And sometimes something really does suck.
The point isn’t to ignore what’s wrong.
It’s to stop allowing what’s wrong to become the only thing you can see.
What Am I Not Seeing?
Maybe instead of immediately asking, “What’s the point?” we ask:
What am I not seeing because I’m so focused on this one thing?
What IS working?
Is this actually bad, or is it just not going how I wanted it to?
Do I need to change something, or do I need to give this more time?
Because sometimes you won’t know the point of something for YEARS.
I’ve had plenty of those.
Things I once prayed would disappear from my life are now experiences I pull from when I teach, write, speak, parent, and help other people.
Would I have volunteered for all of them?
HELL NO.
But here I am.
And maybe that’s something I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older.
I don’t always need to know the point while I’m standing in the middle of it.
While I’m standing in the mud.
Sometimes the point shows up later.
Sometimes I give it a point.
And sometimes something happened, it sucked, I dealt with it, and moved forward.
That’s life too.
Don’t Let One Thing Become Everything
What I don’t want to do anymore is let one wrong thing convince me that everything is wrong.
One crappy comment doesn’t erase dozens of great ones.
One business problem doesn’t mean the business is failing.
One hard season doesn’t mean you have a hard life.
One last place doesn’t mean you will never have a first.
And one muddy step doesn’t mean the entire freaking day is ruined.
My brain will probably always notice the mud.
Fine.
I just don’t have to build a house there.
The mud is real.
But so is the sunshine.
And I’m getting a little better at noticing both.
Hope
PS: It’s just a little mud.