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Take Back Charge Of Your Self-Esteem

Take Back Charge Of Your Self-Esteem

What is your relationship with yourself? 

It may seem like an odd question as most people tend to focus on their relationships with their loved ones or their friends. Yet, believe it or not, according to expert therapists, the relationship we have with ourselves is disintegrating at an alarming rate. Self-esteem issues are more and more frequent, with approximately 85% of people worldwide struggling with low self-confidence. In other words, the relationship you have with yourself is likely to be bad, according to statistics. 

 

Why don’t we love ourselves more? According to Baumeister, our concept of self is our understanding of our personal attributes. The better we understand ourselves, the more likely our self-confidence and sense of self-worth remain intact. 

 

Unfortunately, self-confidence develops in young age, during childhood and adolescence. Therefore, the interactions you have with your parents and social circle at that age will impact your perception of yourself and, in turn, your self-confidence. Children who receive recognition for both their mistakes and their achievements are likely to develop into confident adults with healthy self-esteem. On the other hand, if parents expect their child to achieve an impossible level of perfection and are fast to criticize any mistakes, the child is prone to feel inadequate, not good enough, and not worthy of self-love. 

 

If you’ve grown up in a situation where you have received unfair criticism, you probably find it tough to make peace with some of your personal attributes. But it is never too late for a wake-up call. Learning to love yourself starts today. 

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Recover from criticism about your physical appearance

Have you grown up being the chubby kid or the one with the uneven smile? Being at the receiving end of hurtful jokes, even from friends and family, can make it hard to make peace with your appearance. So, it is important to find an objective interlocutor to discuss your worries. 

 

Indeed, if you have experienced people making fun of you for some of your physical features, it can be incredibly difficult to see the real you behind the painful comments. For example, someone who might have been on the heavy side during their school years may still see the image of their old overweight self in the mirror, even though they have long lost all the excess weight. So, the first step in healing your self-esteem is to find someone who will be honest with you and help you. Reaching out to a specialist, such as asking a dentist about your smile, is the surest way to hear an objective answer. More importantly, a specialist can also help you understand your options if you wish to improve features you are uncomfortable with. For example, a dentist could recommend using composite bonding to cover chipped teeth. Making peace with your appearance doesn’t necessarily mean accepting traits you are unhappy about. Things can be changed, and transformations have proven to be instrumental in re-learning self-love. 

 

“Toxic” Relationship Habits That Are Actually Healthy

“Toxic” Relationship Habits That Are Actually Healthy

"Toxic" Relationship Habits That Are Actually Healthy Hope Zvara Blog

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Do you sometimes feel that you’re getting mixed messages about conducting your relationship with your partner? You’ll often hear the culture screaming something in your ear, but your instinct is saying that you should do something different. 

 

If that sounds like you, you’re not alone. It turns out that there is some pretty toxic relationship advice out there. Here are some examples: 

 

Spending Long Time Apart

 

Spending a long time away from your partner is usually a sign of a serious problem in the relationship – or, at least, that’s how many people see it. 

 

But does it have to be that way? It turns out that spending time apart is actually quite a healthy habit. It gives people time to process the irrational beliefs about their partners and see them more fully as human beings. 

 

In many cases, we can allow ourselves to be consumed by the person we are infatuated with. It is an intoxicating experience and can lead to sleepless nights. All we want is to be close to them. 

 

Unfortunately, when you take this approach, your personality changes. You become somebody different from who your partner fell in love within the first place. Eventually, one person begins to feel suffocated. 

 

Feeling Attracted To Somebody Outside The Relationship

 

People get into a lot of trouble for feeling attracted to people outside of the relationship. We want to believe that we only have eyes for our partners and never look at anybody else. And the same works the other way: we want our partners to only think of us. 

 

We know from our own experience, though, that this isn’t realistic. Everyone is capable of finding multiple people attractive, regardless of their relationship status. 

 

The trick here is to process these feelings healthily. Don’t bottle them up. Instead, accept the fact that you are attracted to somebody else and then let it go. Try to avoid suppressing feelings or anything like that. And have a conversation with your partner about what you are experiencing, and you might be surprised that they are feeling the same way now and then. 

 

Having The Ability To End It

"Toxic" Relationship Habits That Are Actually Healthy Hope Zvara Blog 1

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In our romantic culture, we believe that relationships should be as permanent as a vasectomy. They are for life. 

 

But this approach leads to all kinds of problems. For one, it eliminates fear in the other person. If they think that you will stick with them forever, no matter what, they won’t worry if they treat you badly. They may behave terribly, knowing that you will stay by their side. 

 

But if they think that you have the power to end it, they will “behave themselves,” and the hope is they start to work on themselves. Self-awareness is a powerful thing and sometimes in a relationship the partner is the one to help push them in that direction. Becoming more mindful and watch what they say and how it affects you. And hopefully, they will make every effort to improve their lives so that they provide you with value. This is healthy empowerment. We get comfortable from time to time, and having someone there to push us even on a relationship level can be a good thing. 

 

Allowing Conflicts To Go Unresolved

 

Lastly, we believe that we need to resolve every conflict in our relationships to succeed. You shouldn’t go to bed on an argument – or so the saying goes. But it turns out that just letting go of conflict is okay too. You and your partner can disagree on things. You don’t have to agree on everything. Many of the most successful couples allow conflict to rumble on for decades. But don’t forget to manage that conflict in healthy ways rather than let it fester. Think about what matters, and when it comes down to it, not having a picture-perfect relationship doesn’t mean you don’t have a good one. Even a great one. 

Tips for Feeling Zen at Work

Tips for Feeling Zen at Work

The last few years have been a rollercoaster for the world. Looking more specifically at the work landscape – so much changed almost overnight. 

 

Those who were used to being plugged into their laptops 24/7 at a desk become required to work from home. Companies closed and had to let staff go. Food services had to pivot, and that was just the start. 

 

Work for millions of people is something they have to do, not something they love – or want to do. 

 

That sparkled people to discover what they are passionate about and how they can make it happen. More people are switching to freelance or small business owners than ever. 

 

But that comes with its different stressors. 

tips for feeling zen at work hope zvara blog post

Photo by Boitumelo Phetla on Unsplash

 

So how can you, whether you are in the office or at home, find your zen?

Start Well

If your mornings are high-speed, messy, and rushed, then your day typically follows that path. It isn’t easy to switch to a different morning routine, but it will give you a huge benefit. 

 

Over the space of a few weeks, start to set your alarm a little bit earlier. Of course, you need to go to bed a little earlier too. 

 

Getting up earlier will give you more time to eat breakfast leisurely, drink tea or coffee, pack bags, or even check emails. 

 

The more relaxed you start the day, the less likely you will be on the back-foot all day. 

Gratitude 

It might seem impossible to be grateful for a job you dislike, but it is an essential part of feeling that zen. 

 

While the job itself might not bring you joy, the money you get paid probably covers some essential bills. 

 

In a time of uncertainty, having a job that appears secure and comfortable is a blessing. 

 

Think about the time that you have outside of work – what you can do with your time. 

 

Being grateful for what you have is a big deal and will give you a feeling of joy. 

Do fun stuff

Outside of work, make time to do some fun stuff. Putting love and energy into the time you spend outside of work will give you more calm and joy to add to your job too. 

 

Look for classes in the area that cover topics that you have always wanted to learn. Go bike riding in the local park—Master the art of illustration. 

 

The world is at your disposal, so begin to recognize and understand you can let loose when you aren’t at work. 

Fears

Much of being unhappy in work stems from anxiety and fear. Tackling those fears head-on can give you more control over how you approach your work life. 

 

If it is a manual job, you feel it isn’t safe enough or that the management doesn’t focus on your well-being. 

 

Just remember that you have the power to call a personal injury attorney, to join a union, or search for alternative work – you have options. 

 

It can be beneficial to talk more about any anxiety you have with work with a therapist, a life, or a work coach. 

Reframe the faces

If you resent your bosses, co-workers, and subordinates, that will reflect in your work, your demeanor and will likely lead to animosity. 

 

The faces of the people at work aren’t there to upset you or to attack you – they are all there to do a job too. 

 

Working collaboratively, setting the business or daily goals as your own, and work with people not against them will make the workday flow with ease. 

 

Reframe your current feelings for those you work with to people you share some things in common. 

Side project

Side projects can be so much fun! Take some time to think about what you want to achieve in life – general goals. It might be that you wish to publish a book, or perhaps you want to own a food truck eventually. 

 

Don’t hold yourself back – dream big. 

 

Then consider what you might need to do to reach those goals. Start small so that it doesn’t cut too much into having time to relax or impact your work. 

 

Doing a side project that makes you happy and gives you joy will make the jobs you don’t want to do so much easier. 

 

And finally, before and after work, even on the busiest of days, take time to take some slow breaths and shake the day off. 

 

The best way to get that calm moment? A Daily Dose of Hope, of course! 

How to Step Into Something New

How to Step Into Something New

How to step into something new…

I can’t believe it’s November already. 

>>This past year has been one of a kind. 
>>This past year has been one for the books. 
>>This past year has been a good one…for me. 

Last year I decided that no matter what I did, what I stepped into, what came my way, I was going to approach it with a good attitude and a never give up mentality. 

It’s November and I don’t think we say it enough… 
I’m proud of myself. 

*Proud of myself for doing new things. 
*Proud of myself for stepping into unknown territories. 
*Proud of myself for doing things even when I didn’t want to do them.



Here’s what I’ve learned…



Thinking about doing something new is only step one… Well, it’s more like a Pre-Step, like Pre-Kindergarten. 

And then it’s deciding to pull the trigger. But I’ve discovered that there cannot be ANY doubt in your mind that what you are about to do is wrong, not going to work, a bad idea. 

I’ve been working really hard this past year on catching myself immediately when I see ANY doubt creep And when it does I noticed one thing…

If your decision you are about to pull the trigger on is DIFFERENT IN ANY WAY get ready for doubts, a struggle, or an internal debate that it’s not going to work.

This realization was KEY in my pressing on. 

And I want to share that with all of you today. 

If you want things to change, get better, be different (call it what you want) you NEED it to be uncomfortable or at least have that feeling for a moment that’s your signal that you are stepping into uncharted territory.



AND THAT IS A GOOD THING.



I was nervous the night before I got married. I knew I wanted to marry my husband and had known I was going to marry him since the 8th grade. 
That night looking at myself in my bathroom mirror, I had a wave of doubt run through me if this was the right decision. 

But I knew that the doubt I was feeling was nerves from something new, the unknown. 
And because I pressed on, we’ve been married for 14 years, have 3 amazing kids, and built a life we love.



>>>>>When you get to the edge of what is familiar you have a choice. 
Go back into your typical patterns and stay exactly where you are…. Or press on.



*Press on even when it’s hard. 
*Press on even when you don’t want to. 
*Press on even when your decisions don’t fit into the status quo.

You guys I created my own pain relief cream. Not a cream I’m filling in my garage. 

Like my own REAL product. (Find out about STIFF Mother Trucker Pain Relief Cream)
How did this happen?
I made a decision I wanted to do this and every step after that decision was made I did not like my old thinking or learned feelings and responses derail me from the goal.

Stepping into something new blog post hope zvara

To step into something new:


I took risk. 
​A lot of risk. 
I invested my own money. 
And now have to pick up the phone and call people. 
Ask others for support and help and put me out there every single day with the chance others may not like me. 

But I know and choose to never let doubt and negativity loom in my mind for longer than it takes to think that thought even for a second. 

It’s exhausting to be on yourself like a bloodhound hunting in the woods. Constantly calling yourself out on thoughts, beliefs, and actions most don’t even see happening. 

But now almost a year later of this diligent practice. I’m bearing fruit (I had a lot of internal negative self-talk to work through).

I see those periods of discomfort as markers I’m moving in the right direction and mentally stop and breathe, think, and feel the positive outcome. Where before things not working out always loomed in my mind. 

THAT WAS MY ISSUE. 

I was doing all the right things but when I got to the edges of my familiarity I was canceling out all my efforts with my internal dialogue, thoughts, and intentions. 

I created a pain-relief cream!
I created the BEST online program I have ever built!
I coach business clients who want to hear what I have to say!
I get to work with people I never thought possible!

I share this not to brag, but to hopefully inspire you. I did this.

To step into something new:


*I allowed myself the right to think bigger than what I was. 
*I allowed myself to dream bigger than I thought I was allowed to. 
*I allowed myself to be bold despite the negativity would come up against. 

You can do this. 
You can step out. 
You can get there. 

Stop saying 2020 is horrible. 
It’s not. 

It’s different and that’s that. 

Who cares. 

Figure out a way. 

Stop using 2020 as a reason to stay where you are. 

I know this might not be what you want to hear. But it’s the truth. 

I saw 2020 as the best time to step up my game and reach for more. Even when most of the signs around me said it was a bad idea. ​​

​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​What can you do today? 

I’d love to hear about it. ​​

How to Get Out of a Rut

How to Get Out of a Rut

How to get out of a rut?

Have you ever been there? In a rut?

Where your bored, lifeless, unmotivated, unhappy, irritated, would rather sleep your life away than get up and go?

For the last several months I couldn’t figure out what was going on with me. Of course with a global pandemic going on we are all feeling stressed and overwhelmed but this felt different. For a while I thought, I’m working too hard and need a break. But a break didn’t change anything. Then I thought I was lacking vitamins or vital nutrition. Maybe it’s too hot, too humid, too cold, too damp. Nope, not the case. Then my mind goes racing, and what if I have an autoimmune disorder. Common Hope, get a grip…

For months this has been going on, tired for no reason, dragging, and honestly, unmotivated. What’s up???

I’m in a RUT! Stuck on repeat, a skip in the record of life and nothing was changing.

What gives?

My family rocks, I’m healthy, alive, I am moving forward towards my BIG dreams. What gives? Why am I in a rut?

What gives, is I was holding on. TIGHT. Like death grip tight. Holding on to things that don’t serve me, my mission, my soul’s purpose. I was holding on to things that were expired, like leaving old nasty food in your fridge and trying to convince yourself you’d choke that down tomorrow.

Holding on. But why? I’m in a rut.

Well funny thing, I listened to a LIVE on Facebook and it sparked in me that it’s time to hit the RESET BUTTON on my goals and targets. Time to get specific, zone in and tune in to those, and then reflect on where I was spending most of my time.

Well, NEWS FLASH, they weren’t aligned AT ALL. Well maybe like 30%, but I was living the life in my old goals and trying to move towards my current ones. And there was no LONG-TERM clarity within my vision insight. My life had “I’m in a rut” written all over it.

This depressed-like state, this exhaustion- was boredom. No fire within, no zeal, no drive to go for it, because I didn’t want “it” anymore. I wanted out of this rut. I wanted something else.

When you find yourself in a rut, one thing that is happening is you are focusing TOO much on you. Your shortcomings, your faults, where you should have done this, or that or the other thing… On how bad you feel, how bad your finances are, how everyone else is doing better than you, how your job sucks, your family sucks, blah, blah, blah.

And that was exactly what was happening to me. I was nitpicking everything I was doing, my faults, micromanaging my old goals trying to make my efforts fit with something it just wasn’t aligned with.

And for many people including myself I have spent most of my life numbing myself from all of this to not have to feel or deal with it. I used food, drugs, isolation, and a very negative self-talk to keep myself from having to feel and deal with anything.

Five Ways to Get Out of a Rut:

  1. Shift your focus off all that “you” stuff and shift it back to a goal, how are you going to help people and as a result help yourself?
  2. Ask yourself, what are your goals? Like take five minutes out of your life and ask yourself “what do I want”.
  3. Now, write them down. All of them. Then go back and look at them and see what of those are truly your goals.
  4. Reflect on how you are spending your time. It’s one thing to relax a bit, it’s another to do something or nothing because you are bored.
  5. You must do it. Yep, you have to just do it anyway. You will never get out of the rut if you don’t do something different. But if you don’t do the above, you’ll never know WHAT to do.

If I think too much about my “stuff” it’s like I just can’t get out of that deep dark hole to nowhere. But when you shift your focus and realize that a shift in thinking is all you need to make that change and get out of your rut. BIG things can start to happen. Like a little pep in your step and maybe even a newly discovered goal!

You got this!

And to help here is one of my favorite quick reads! Because a little extra encouragement never hurts!

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