I heard this passage at a church service a few weeks ago when our pastor was discussing several passages from the book of Job. I had not read the book of Job since taking theology classes in college at Marquette over ten years ago. I was quaintly excited how inspired I was by the passages, the pastor’s discussion and this quote really stuck with me. When you question God, God questions you. What did that mean, and why do I question God and life in the first place? This thought process engulfed my brain over the last several weeks.
We all do it, question God (or life, the Source, please don’t get caught up on this concept), question what our purpose is, why things happen or don’t happen the way they do; and if you are anything like me, we have a tendency to ask God why did you do this?
So, why do we question, why do we doubt? And furthermore, why is it that we question when things go bad or against our favor, only to find that when they are in our favor, we don’t question why? Why is that? Why do we question at all? I thought long about this and it is still fresh in my mind from that Sunday. What if everything you did or did not do, God where to question you, why are you doing that? Would that change your thoughts, actions and or reactions in such situations?
In my own person life, I find myself in fear of not making the right decision and worry what others will think and ultimately, how it may affect them, eve more than how it will affect me. In the last several days I have worked to question my fear and not God, to question my choices and not life. In doing so it has required me to be more present, but furthermore it has required me to take responsibility and more accountability for my person and my actions.
We all at one point or another want to blame, we want to push the buck onto someone else in the relief that we won’t have to take responsibility for our being. In pondering this powerful statement I have come to realize that when I question God, I don’t want to do it anymore, I want someone else to take over, I don’t like the cards I’m being dealt, thinking someone else’s cards are better, their grass is greener; in doing this I stop taking responsibility for my life, my being, my choices.
So the fact that God would then question me holds me accountable for my choices, my being, and my life. I imagine this concept is scary for people in that then, they have to step up, they have to be better, work harder and turn the pointy finger at themselves (at myself) and say O.K. God, how can I be better?
When you question God, God questions you. I asked myself why I question in the first place and it appears that I don’ think what is happening is right, good, I’m pissed at what is happening, and it’s pushing me outside my comfort zone and I flippen hate it. So then in frustration, I question God, I question life, and rather than question myself (which would make more sense, considering I am fully responsible for my own life, actions and state of being) I think that God should fix it, fix me.
These words of wisdom, although provoked from the Bible have given me complete clarity alongside my yoga practice (and I’m talking life, not mat). Instead of crying to God to heal me, fix me, help me (which I have done plenty of); I have learned that I need to turn inward and realize God has already given me the tools I need to heal myself, fix myself and help myself. Allowing me then to turn inward and dig deep; in doing this, I’m asking for God’s help, I am asking for His help to utilize the strengths I have already been given and have had all along; because I have been made perfect, I am a part of my Higher Power, Consciousness (God), I was just choosing not to use these amazing gifts, because, well, it’s easier to ask others to do the work, and to be honest, it’s just flat out easier to complain to God and do nothing at all.
So now when I question God, I apologize and question myself. Life is funny in that we create our own pain and suffering. What!? Let me explain, almost eight years ago my husband and I lost our daughter shortly after birth due to abnormalities that were untreatable. We were devastated and left empty. I cried for days, I was in pain, and literally left with a feeling of emptiness. I questioned to God why, why me, why us, why Faith (my daughter)? After a pity party of questioning, I was reminded (through my yoga practice) that there is good in everything, a reason for everything and something good can come out of anything if we choose to see it.
Something horrible, something I would never wish on my worst enemy had happened, something I can never undo, and never fix, but I would sow more seeds on this fertilizer (to put it nicely) that was given to me. I had to choose to see the many, many, many gifts her tragic death gave me, I had to choose to pick myself up and realize that this was going to somehow make me stronger, help me to discover more of my gifts I hadn’t seen yet, it would help me reach more people in yet another way (as I feel my calling is to help others). I had very tough adolescents and then that, thank you God, thank you for choosing me, for believing in me that I could handle it and do something amazing with those tragic experiences. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to overcome and succeed; I would not be where I am with the family I have if it wasn’t for God questioning me and then me questioning myself.
So I will leave you with one thought, when you question God (or life or the Universe) what are you not wanting to do, what don’t you want to see, what don’t you believe can happen, where are you wanting to give up and stay stuck where you are? I can’t answer that for you; all I can do is thank God again for helping me see my potential and my gifts to share with life.