Finding Purpose Through Hardship: What Difficult Seasons Can Teach You
I write about what’s real in my life. Finding Purpose Through Hardship
Sometimes I sit down with a clear idea of what I want to say. Other times, like today, I simply start typing and trust that somewhere along the way I’ll figure out where I’m going.
Lately, I’ve been challenging myself to do more of that.
To stop waiting until I have the perfect topic, the perfect lesson, or the perfect ending and instead just write.
Because if I’m being honest, my head is always full.
Right now, I could tell you about an incredible speaking client who just booked six ideal stages. I could talk about why vibration plates are one of the most misunderstood pieces of fitness equipment because they’re often used only semi-correctly.
I could tell you about the eye-opening moments of parenting teenagers while also helping parent one of my own parents.
I could vent about credit cards, laugh about why my office always seems to look like a tornado blew through it, share my progress on reintroducing dairy after decades of digestive issues, or simply tell you what I’m learning forty years into this beautiful, messy life.
Instead, I keep coming back to one word.
Purpose.
I Believe We All Have a Purpose
I talk about purpose a lot because I genuinely believe every one of us has one.
Maybe even several.
I’ve always felt connected to the idea that I wasn’t just living life. I was meant to live a life on purpose.
That I really was meant for more.
I can feel it.
That doesn’t mean I’ve always known exactly what that purpose was.
It just means I’ve trusted there was something bigger than what I could see.
And I think there’s an important distinction there.
You don’t necessarily need to know exactly what your purpose is in order to believe you have one.
Sometimes purpose becomes clearer as you live.
As you learn.
As you struggle.
As you make mistakes.
As you try things.
As you discover what you’re good at, what matters to you, and what you can offer other people.
Sometimes the path only makes sense when you look backward.
Maybe There Is Purpose in the Pain
Years ago, someone said something to me that I’ve never forgotten.
They told me that people who struggle with addiction, make it to the other side, and truly learn from it often have big plans waiting for them.
That sentence stayed with me.
Not because I thought, Well… I must have big plans.
But because it gave me hope that maybe there was purpose in the pain.
Maybe the struggle wasn’t something to simply survive.
Maybe it was preparing me for something I couldn’t yet understand.
That’s a very different way of looking at hardship.
Instead of asking only:
“Why is this happening to me?”
You eventually start asking:
“What can I learn from this?”
And sometimes that question can change everything.
Why We Sometimes Stay in What Hurts Us
Over the years, I’ve noticed something.
Some people move through their struggles.
Others seem to keep one foot in them.
Not because they want to suffer.
I don’t believe that at all.
I think sometimes struggle becomes familiar.
We know how to navigate it.
We know who we are inside of it.
Stepping beyond it means becoming someone new.
And honestly, that’s scary.
Looking back, I know exactly what kept me in addiction for so many years.
It wasn’t because I enjoyed it.
It wasn’t because I wanted to stay there.
It was because the discomfort I knew somehow felt safer than the discomfort I didn’t.
And the thought of failing at the unknown was far worse than being good at what was destroying my life.
Read that again.
The discomfort I knew felt easier than the uncertainty I didn’t.
When I write those words today, it almost sounds ridiculous.
But fear has a funny way of convincing us that what’s familiar is somehow safer than what’s possible.
Fear Can Become Your Compass
Fear can become a powerful compass.
The problem is that it almost always points you back toward comfort instead of growth.
Think about how often we try to avoid difficult things.
Health:
Give me the pill.
The injection.
The shortcut.
Finances:
How do I make money fast?
Work:
I’ll just stay here. That leap takes too much work.
Relationships:
Maybe I’ll just stay because starting over feels harder.
Parenting:
Maybe I’ll just give in because holding the boundary is harder.
We’re constantly looking for ways to make difficult things easier.
And maybe that’s simply part of being human.
But when I look back over the last forty years, I honestly can’t think of one lesson that truly changed me because life was easy.
Not one.
The moments that shaped me required discomfort.
The seasons that stretched me forced me to look at myself differently.
And sometimes I wasn’t particularly impressed with what I saw.
The Hard Things Often Become the Transformative Things
The biggest shifts in my life didn’t happen because everything went according to plan.
They didn’t happen because I got what I wanted without much effort.
They happened because something challenged what I believed, what I expected, or who I thought I was.
That’s where growth happened.
I don’t think we need to go looking for hard things.
Life has a way of bringing us enough of them without even asking.
But I do think we need to stop believing that hard automatically means something has gone wrong.
Hard doesn’t automatically mean impossible.
Hard doesn’t automatically mean unattainable.
And hard doesn’t automatically mean you’re on the wrong path.
Sometimes hard is where courage is built.
Sometimes hard is where wisdom is found.
Sometimes hard is simply the season before clarity.
What If Your Repeated Struggles Are Trying to Teach You Something?
I was talking with someone close to me recently, and I found myself saying something I’ve actually believed for a long time.
I think life has a way of putting the same circumstances, situations, and even similar people in front of us until we learn what we’re supposed to learn.
Different faces.
Different jobs.
Different relationships.
Different opportunities.
Same lesson.
I don’t believe that’s punishment.
I believe it’s preparation.
It’s a do-over until you get it right.
The older I get, the less I think those repeated lessons are random.
I think they’re invitations.
Invitations to respond differently.
To grow a little more.
To let go of an old story.
To become someone we couldn’t become any other way.
And maybe that’s where purpose begins.
Purpose Isn’t Always Found in the Easy Seasons
Maybe purpose doesn’t begin because everything is going well.
Maybe purpose begins because we choose not to waste the hard things.
Looking back, I wouldn’t choose many of the difficult things I’ve walked through.
But I also wouldn’t erase them.
Without them, I wouldn’t have the awareness and empathy I have today.
I wouldn’t have the perspective.
I wouldn’t have the faith.
I wouldn’t have the ability to sit across from someone who’s struggling and honestly say:
“I understand.”
That’s something hardship gave me.
Not because hardship itself was good.
But because I chose to learn from it.
And there’s a difference.
You Don’t Have to Make Your Struggle Meaningless
Maybe that’s what purpose looks like.
Not a perfect life.
Not an easy life.
But a life that’s willing to let the hard things become meaningful instead of meaningless.
Your difficult season doesn’t have to become your identity.
Your mistakes don’t have to become your future.
Your past doesn’t have to determine what you’re capable of becoming.
But you do have to be willing to look at it.
To learn from it.
To stop telling yourself the stories that keep you stuck.
And sometimes that requires telling yourself the truth.
Even when the truth isn’t comfortable.
Sometimes We Have to Call Ourselves Out
One of the most powerful things I’ve done for myself is learn to call myself out for the lies I keep living.
The fake truths I tell myself so I don’t have to try.
So I can feel sorry for myself.
So I can stay stuck.
So I can secretly hope someone else will fix my mess.
That’s uncomfortable to admit.
But it’s also freeing.
Because once you recognize the story you’re telling yourself, you have the opportunity to change it.
Maybe you’re telling yourself you’re not capable.
Maybe you’re telling yourself it’s too late.
Maybe you’re telling yourself that someone else is responsible for changing your life.
Maybe you’re telling yourself that because something didn’t work before, it never will.
Maybe you’re waiting for motivation before you take action.
Sometimes the hard thing in front of you isn’t the circumstance.
Sometimes the hard thing is being honest about the role you’re playing in staying there.
What Are You Being Prepared For?
I don’t know what you’re walking through today.
Maybe you’re in a season that feels heavy.
Maybe you’re waiting for clarity.
Maybe you’re wondering why life feels harder than you expected.
Maybe you’re dealing with a situation you never would have chosen for yourself.
If that’s you, don’t be so quick to assume the struggle has no purpose.
And don’t assume you’re the only one.
You may not understand it today.
You may not see where it’s going.
You may not even be able to imagine how something good could possibly come from it.
But you can choose what you do with the season you’re in.
You can learn.
You can grow.
You can ask better questions.
You can take responsibility for your part.
You can let go of the stories that keep you stuck.
You can become more aware.
You can keep moving.
Maybe the Obstacle Isn’t What Changes Your Life
One day, you may look back and realize it wasn’t the obstacle that changed your life.
It was who you became because of it.
Maybe that is the purpose hidden inside some of the hardest seasons.
Not that the pain was necessary.
Not that the struggle was something you deserved.
Not that every difficult thing happens for a reason we can immediately understand.
But that you can choose to grow through what you didn’t choose.
You can choose to let your experiences shape you without allowing them to define you.
You can choose to become wiser.
More compassionate.
More courageous.
More honest.
More grounded.
More connected to your purpose.
And sometimes the thing you’re desperately trying to get away from becomes the very thing that teaches you how to move toward the life you’re meant to live.
So if life feels hard right now, don’t be so quick to assume you’re failing.
Maybe you’re learning.
Maybe you’re growing.
Maybe you’re being prepared.
Maybe there’s something you’re becoming that you couldn’t have become any other way.
Keep moving.
Hope
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