What’s the Point? How to Stop Focusing on the Mud in Life

by Hope Zvara | Oct 5, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Working With Hope

My Brain Really Likes the Mud 😂

Ever wonder what the point of something is?

Why am I working at this job? Why am I still in this relationship? Why did I say yes to that? Why am I still here? Why is my life this way?

I’ve had a lot of curveballs thrown at me in my life, and when I was younger, I would ask, “Why?”

Then I got a bit older and started asking, “What’s the point?”

But here’s what’s funny. I only seemed to ask that question when things weren’t going well. When they weren’t going MY way.

In other words, when life got hard.

Why Do We Only Ask When Things Are Hard?

Why do we rarely ask “what’s the point?” when things are going great?

Why did I marry the love of my life? Why did I get the opportunity? Why did I buy the house? Why am I healthy enough to do the things I love? Why did I get to go on this amazing trip?

Who asks those questions?

No one. 😂

Part of this is actually how our brains work. There’s something called negativity bias, which basically means our brains naturally give more attention to negative experiences than positive ones.

Basically, your brain is really good at spotting the mud.

Sun’s out, it’s 75 degrees, beautiful day…but you step in mud.

What are you thinking about now?

The mud.

I literally just experienced this.

Over the last several weeks, I’ve received dozens of raving comments on my YouTube videos. Women telling me how much the workouts are helping them, how much they love my teaching style, and that they’re coming back for more.

Then ONE person told me my intro was too long.

Guess which comment I kept thinking about?

Yep. That one. 😂

My brain apparently decided the intro lady deserved VIP access to my thoughts.

That’s negativity bias in real life.

Your Brain Will Notice What’s Wrong

You lose 10 pounds but still have 20 to go. Instead of celebrating the TEN FREAKING POUNDS you lost, you’re focused on what’s left.

You overcome obstacle after obstacle and make huge strides in your life, yet because you don’t have exactly what you want RIGHT NOW, somehow none of it feels like enough.

I’m guilty of this.

For a long time, my inner voice was an absolute mess. I grew up in a house where one parent rarely spoke positively about their life or the lives of others, and without realizing it, I took some of that on.

Eventually, it became how I talked to myself.

Smart. But not smart enough.

Pretty. But not pretty enough.

Successful. But not successful enough.

Good. But not good enough.

There was always a “but.”

Maybe the Point Isn’t Gone

And here’s where this whole “what’s the point?” thing gets interesting.

Maybe the point doesn’t disappear when life gets hard.

Maybe we just have a harder time seeing it.

When something isn’t going well, our attention goes there immediately.

What’s wrong?

What’s missing?

Why isn’t this working?

What’s the point?

Meanwhile, 15 other things could be going right, and we’re barely noticing them.

Now, that doesn’t mean you slap a positive affirmation over something painful and pretend everything is sunshine and rainbows.

Listen, I LOVE a good positive quote.

But a positive quote is not a life strategy.

Sorry, Sarah. 😂

Sometimes the job DOES need to change.

Sometimes the relationship DOES need to end.

Sometimes the thing you’ve been pushing toward isn’t right anymore.

And sometimes something really does suck.

The point isn’t to ignore what’s wrong.

It’s to stop allowing what’s wrong to become the only thing you can see.

What Am I Not Seeing?

Maybe instead of immediately asking, “What’s the point?” we ask:

What am I not seeing because I’m so focused on this one thing?

What IS working?

Is this actually bad, or is it just not going how I wanted it to?

Do I need to change something, or do I need to give this more time?

Because sometimes you won’t know the point of something for YEARS.

I’ve had plenty of those.

Things I once prayed would disappear from my life are now experiences I pull from when I teach, write, speak, parent, and help other people.

Would I have volunteered for all of them?

HELL NO.

But here I am.

And maybe that’s something I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older.

I don’t always need to know the point while I’m standing in the middle of it.

While I’m standing in the mud.

Sometimes the point shows up later.

Sometimes I give it a point.

And sometimes something happened, it sucked, I dealt with it, and moved forward.

That’s life too.

Don’t Let One Thing Become Everything

What I don’t want to do anymore is let one wrong thing convince me that everything is wrong.

One crappy comment doesn’t erase dozens of great ones.

One business problem doesn’t mean the business is failing.

One hard season doesn’t mean you have a hard life.

One last place doesn’t mean you will never have a first.

And one muddy step doesn’t mean the entire freaking day is ruined.

My brain will probably always notice the mud.

Fine.

I just don’t have to build a house there.

The mud is real.

But so is the sunshine.

And I’m getting a little better at noticing both.

Hope

PS: It’s just a little mud.

Make the Next Right Decision: You Don’t Have to Figure Out Your Whole Life Today

by Hope Zvara | Sep 21, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Working With Hope

I recently went to Mexico with my husband of 20 years.

Outside of work trips, we haven’t gone on a vacation alone since our honeymoon.

So I guess you could say it was LONG overdue.

And as usually happens when I step away from my normal environment, I came home with a lot of thoughts floating around in my head.

There’s something about getting out of your routine that gives you space to look at your life a little differently.

You notice things.

You question things.

You hear thoughts that may have been buried underneath the noise of everyday life.

One phrase I keep coming back to lately is:

“Make the next right decision.”

It’s definitely up for interpretation, but it has become a pretty powerful mantra for me.

Especially right now.

Because I’m raising teenagers.

And I’m watching them enter that strange stage of life where everyone suddenly starts asking:

“What are you going to do?”

What are you going to do after high school?

Where are you going to go?

What are you going to study?

What do you want to be?

Where are you going to live?

What are you going to do with your LIFE?

Holy crap.

You’re 18 years old, and suddenly it feels like you’re being asked to make decisions that will determine the next 60 years of your existence.

No wonder kids freeze.

But really, don’t we adults do the exact same thing?

We Want to Know the Whole Plan

Should I stay in this job?

Should I start the business?

Should I keep pursuing this project?

Should I change careers?

Should I keep pushing?

Should I finally let something go?

What if I choose wrong?

What if I regret it?

What if I waste time?

What if I fail?

Sometimes the fear of making the wrong decision becomes so overwhelming that we make no decision at all.

And that’s where I’ve been thinking about something that sounds simple but can be incredibly powerful:

Not making a decision is still a decision.

You are deciding to stay where you are.

You are deciding not to apply.

You are deciding not to make the phone call.

You are deciding to give it more time.

You are deciding to wait.

And sometimes, waiting absolutely is the next right decision.

I’ve written about that before.

There are seasons where I believe God is asking us to be patient, stop forcing something, and allow it to unfold.

But there are also times when we’re calling something “waiting” when really we’re just scared to make a decision.

So maybe the better question isn’t simply:

“Should I make a decision?”

Maybe it’s:

“Is NOT making a decision the next right decision?”

Oof.

Because that changes things a little, doesn’t it?

When You Feel Frozen

My husband and I have both had periods in our lives where we’ve felt frozen.

Frozen in a job.

Frozen in a career path.

Frozen in a business.

Frozen in a project.

Sometimes the future felt so blurry that we couldn’t clearly see which direction to go.

And when you can’t see very far ahead, there’s a temptation to just stay put.

Do nothing.

Wait for clarity.

Wait for certainty.

Wait until you know exactly what you’re supposed to do.

Looking back, I think the idea of making the next right decision would have been incredibly helpful during some of those seasons.

Not because it would have magically given us the answer.

But because it would have reminded us that:

We didn’t need the whole answer in order to keep moving forward.

We just needed the next one.

You Don’t Need the Whole Answer

Maybe the next right decision wasn’t quitting the job tomorrow.

Maybe it was updating the résumé.

Maybe it wasn’t changing careers.

Maybe it was taking a class, talking to someone in another field, or exploring what else was out there.

Maybe it wasn’t shutting down the business.

Maybe it was looking honestly at what wasn’t working.

Maybe it wasn’t committing to something for the next ten years.

Maybe it was committing to trying it for the next six months.

That’s what I love about this idea.

You don’t have to figure out everything today, but you do need to be willing to make the next decision.

You don’t need to know where you’ll be five years from now.

You don’t need to know where you’ll be a year from now.

Heck, sometimes you don’t even know what life is going to look like six weeks from now.

But you can ask yourself:

“With what I know today, what is the next right decision I can make?”

Suddenly, life becomes a little simpler.

Not necessarily easier.

But simpler.

When Did the Future Become So Scary?

I’ve been wondering about this lately.

When did thinking about our future become so scary?

When you’re little and someone asks what you want to be when you grow up, you’ll confidently say you’re going to be a veterinarian, dancer, firefighter, astronaut, teacher, or maybe all five.

There isn’t this massive fear attached to it.

You simply imagine.

You dream.

You explore.

Then somewhere along the way, dreaming turns into deciding.

And deciding starts feeling permanent.

Suddenly, one choice feels like it determines everything.

One degree.

One job.

One relationship.

One business decision.

One move.

One opportunity.

And we start believing that if we choose wrong, we’ve ruined everything.

But that’s not how life works.

Your First Decision Doesn’t Have to Be Your Final Decision

Sometimes the first decision simply gives you the information you need to make the second one.

You take the class and realize you love it.

Or you hate it.

Both are information.

You take the job and discover something about yourself.

You start the project and realize it needs to evolve.

You pursue one direction and discover another along the way.

It wasn’t necessarily a wrong decision just because it wasn’t the final destination.

This is something I wish we taught young people more.

Changing direction doesn’t automatically mean you chose wrong.

Sometimes changing direction means you learned something.

Sometimes you discover that something isn’t for you.

Sometimes you realize you want something different.

Sometimes the experience itself gives you information you couldn’t have gotten by sitting still.

Parenting Is Teaching Kids to Decide for Themselves

With an 18-year-old and a 16-year-old, these conversations are VERY real in our house right now.

And adulthood, no matter how much you candy-coat it, can be hard.

There will be struggle.

There will be decisions they get right.

There will be decisions they don’t.

There are things about life I can’t possibly explain to them because sometimes you have to experience something before you can understand it.

As a parent, that’s a hard pill to swallow.

Because I want to help.

I want to save them time.

I want to hand them the answers I’ve spent decades collecting.

I want to say:

“Trust me. Don’t do THAT.”

But I’m beginning to realize something.

My job isn’t to make the next right decision for them.

My job is to help them develop the tools to recognize it for themselves.

And THAT is a completely different kind of parenting.

From Decision Maker to Guide

When they’re little, so much of parenting is deciding for them.

What they eat.

Where they go.

What time they go to bed.

What they can and can’t do.

You make decisions because they aren’t capable of making them yet.

Then slowly, almost without you realizing it, the job changes.

You move from:

Decision maker

to

Guide.

And maybe one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids isn’t a perfectly mapped-out future.

Maybe it’s the confidence to know they can:

• Make a decision.
• Learn from it.
• Change their mind.
• Ask for help.
• Course correct.
• Keep going.

Because that’s actually adulthood.

I’m Teaching My Kids Something I’m Still Practicing

Here’s where this gets really interesting for me.

I’m trying to teach my kids something I’m still practicing myself.

I have projects I’m unsure about.

Business opportunities I’m waiting on.

Things I’ve worked incredibly hard on that haven’t unfolded exactly when or how I thought they would.

There are moments when I wonder:

“Am I still supposed to be doing this?”

And I’d LOVE for God to send me a detailed five-year strategic plan.

Preferably color-coded.

With deadlines.

Clear instructions.

Maybe even a nice little spreadsheet.

So far, no luck. 🙂

Instead, I keep coming back to the same question I’m asking my kids:

What’s the next right decision?

Not the perfect decision.

Not the decision that guarantees success.

Not the decision everyone else understands.

The next right one.

What Could the Next Right Decision Look Like?

Maybe it’s making the phone call you’ve been avoiding.

Maybe it’s applying for the job.

Maybe it’s taking the class.

Maybe it’s having the uncomfortable conversation.

Maybe it’s staying with something a little longer.

Maybe it’s finally admitting something isn’t working.

Maybe it’s taking better care of your body.

Maybe it’s asking for help.

Maybe it’s setting a boundary.

Maybe it’s starting something you’ve been talking yourself out of.

And yes, sometimes the next right decision might be to wait.

But make sure you’re actually choosing to wait.

Don’t allow fear to make the decision for you and then call it patience.

There’s a difference.

Waiting and Avoiding Aren’t Always the Same Thing

Sometimes waiting is wise.

Sometimes there genuinely isn’t enough information yet.

Sometimes circumstances need time to unfold.

Sometimes forcing an outcome only creates more confusion.

But sometimes we’re waiting because we’re afraid.

We’re afraid of failing.

We’re afraid of being judged.

We’re afraid of making the wrong choice.

We’re afraid that once we move, we can’t go back.

That’s when the question becomes incredibly important:

“Is waiting truly my next right decision, or am I afraid to make one?”

That question requires honesty.

And sometimes the honest answer is uncomfortable.

But it can also be freeing.

Clarity Often Comes After Movement

We keep waiting to feel 100% certain before taking a step.

But sometimes taking the step is precisely what gives us the information we need to know what comes next.

You take the class.

You learn something.

You get information.

You make another decision.

You start the project.

You see what works.

You discover what doesn’t.

You make another decision.

You have the conversation.

You learn where the other person stands.

You make another decision.

You apply for the job.

You find out whether the opportunity is actually right for you.

You make another decision.

Movement creates information.

And sometimes information creates clarity.

Stop Expecting Yourself to Predict Your Entire Life

At 18, the question might be:

“What do I want to do after high school?”

At 30:

“Is this really the career I want?”

At 40:

“Is the life I’ve built still the life I want?”

At 50:

“What do I want this next chapter to look like?”

And somewhere along the way, you may look around and realize some things still fit beautifully while others need to evolve.

That’s normal.

Life changes.

You change.

Your priorities change.

Your circumstances change.

Your dreams change.

Your understanding of yourself changes.

Maybe we’re not supposed to figure everything out once and then never question it again.

The Goal Isn’t to Figure It All Out

Maybe the goal isn’t to predict your entire life correctly.

Maybe the goal is to become someone you trust to navigate it.

That’s what I want for my kids.

And honestly, that’s what I want for myself.

I don’t need to know exactly where every road leads before I’m willing to take it.

I need enough awareness to recognize what feels right today.

Enough courage to move.

Enough humility to admit when something isn’t working.

Enough willingness to ask for help.

And enough faith to trust that I can make another decision tomorrow.

You Can Always Course Correct

One of the biggest lies we tell ourselves is that every decision is permanent.

It isn’t.

You can change direction.

You can learn.

You can adjust.

You can start again.

You can admit you were wrong.

You can decide something that felt right five years ago no longer fits today.

You can close one door and explore another.

That’s not necessarily failure.

That’s being human.

The ability to course correct is one of the most valuable skills we can develop.

What If You Get It Wrong?

You might.

I might.

Our kids will.

Everyone will.

There will be decisions that don’t work out the way we hoped.

There will be opportunities we miss.

There will be choices we wish we’d made differently.

But one decision doesn’t have to define your entire life.

Sometimes you learn.

Sometimes you repair.

Sometimes you change direction.

Sometimes you begin again.

And sometimes the decision that initially felt like a mistake gives you information that eventually leads you somewhere you wouldn’t have reached otherwise.

That’s why I don’t think the goal should be finding a perfect decision.

The goal is learning how to make thoughtful decisions with the information you have.

Trust Yourself Enough to Take the Next Step

If you’re reading this and feeling stuck in a job, a relationship, a business, your health, your family, or simply wondering what your next chapter is supposed to look like, maybe stop asking yourself to figure out something that isn’t knowable yet.

Instead, ask:

“With everything I know today, what is the next right decision I can make?”

Maybe the answer will be obvious.

Maybe it won’t.

Maybe you need more information.

Maybe you need to talk to someone.

Maybe you need to pray.

Maybe you need to rest.

Maybe you need to move.

Maybe you need to wait.

All of those can be valid.

The important part is that you are consciously choosing rather than allowing fear to quietly choose for you.

Trust God With the Part You Can’t See

For me, faith is part of this.

I don’t believe I’m supposed to have every answer.

I don’t believe I need to know every turn in the road before I take the next step.

Sometimes I have to trust that God sees what I can’t.

That doesn’t mean sitting back and doing nothing.

It means doing what I can with what I know today and trusting God with what I don’t.

That’s a different kind of peace.

Not the peace of having everything figured out.

The peace of knowing I don’t have to.

Maybe This Is How We Build a Life

Maybe we build a life one decision at a time.

One conversation.

One opportunity.

One change.

One lesson.

One mistake.

One course correction.

One brave step.

One season of waiting.

Then another decision.

And another.

Not by seeing the entire road ahead of us.

But by becoming brave enough to take the next right step when only a few feet of the road are visible.

That’s where I am right now.

That’s what I’m trying to teach my kids.

And honestly, that’s what I’m trying to practice myself.

Make the next right decision.

Not the perfect one.

Not the forever one.

Not the one that guarantees everything will work out.

Just the next right one.

And then trust God with the part you can’t see yet.

So, What’s Your Next Right Decision?

Maybe you’ve been waiting for clarity.

Maybe you’ve been waiting for permission.

Maybe you’ve been waiting until you’re certain.

Maybe you’ve been afraid to make the wrong choice.

Maybe you’ve been calling it patience when deep down you know it’s fear.

Take a moment.

Get quiet.

Look honestly at what you know today.

Then ask yourself:

What is the next right decision I can make?

And if your answer is:

“I’m not going to do anything yet.”

That’s okay too.

Just ask one more question:

“Is waiting truly my next right decision, or am I afraid to make one?”

Then trust yourself enough to answer honestly.

Because maybe that’s how we build a life.

Not by knowing exactly where every road leads.

But by becoming someone who can navigate whatever comes next.

One decision at a time.

One step at a time.

One season at a time.

And trusting God with the road we can’t see yet.

Hope

You May Also Like

Why Intuition Is Your Most Underrated Business Tool

Learn how intuitive leadership improves clarity and decision-making in complex environments.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/why-intuition-is-your-most-underrated-business-tool

🌐 https://hbr.org/2022/03/how-to-stop-overthinking-and-start-trusting-your-gut

From Burnout to Breakthrough: Wellness Habits That Actually Stick

Explore how nervous system regulation supports sustainable leadership performance.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/from-burnout-to-breakthrough-wellness-habits-that-actually-stick

🌐 https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/basics/stress-basics/hlv-20049495

The Hidden Power of Breathwork for Entrepreneurs

Discover why breathwork is a foundational tool for regulated leadership.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/the-hidden-power-of-breathwork-for-entrepreneurs

🌐 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6137615/

Creating a Morning Routine That Aligns With Your Purpose

Learn how intentional rituals support heart-centered leadership.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/creating-a-morning-routine-that-aligns-with-your-purpose

🌐 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/habit-formation

What It Really Means to Never Leave the Pack

by Hope Zvara | Sep 7, 2026 | Inspirational, Simplify Your Life, Working With Hope

What It Really Means to Never Leave the Pack

I’m sitting at the pool in Mexico and said I wasn’t going to do ANY work this week.

But apparently sunshine, a lawn chair, and a little space to think has me inspired to share something with you all.

I’ve been thinking about relationships.

In life, relationships can make or break so much of our happiness.

Some people will say, “I don’t need anyone.”

But you and I both know that’s not really true.

We humans are social beings. We are wired for connection. We are pack animals, and I truly believe we are better together.

Which leads me to marriage.

Marriage Is Choosing Your Person

To me, marriage is one of the most cherished and important relationships you will ever have.

It’s a bond, an oath, a covenant between two people saying:

“I’m choosing you to be part of my pack, and I’m choosing to stay.”

But here’s where it gets interesting.

People change.

People grow.

People evolve.

People expand.

I’ve heard people say many times, “We just grew apart.”

And yes, sometimes people do.

Sometimes relationships end for very real reasons, and you cannot force another person to want the same depth of relationship you do.

But after 20 years of marriage, here’s my awareness around “growing apart.”

If you want to grow together, both people have to prioritize the bond.

Otherwise, yes, it becomes incredibly easy to grow apart.

I’m sitting on this lawn chair next to my husband, and I can tell you we have both grown, evolved, and changed tremendously over the years.

We’ve had moments and seasons where we weren’t 100% in alignment.

We’ve been through loss, stress, raising kids, building businesses, changing dreams, changing ourselves, and all the things life throws at two people over 20 years.

But we didn’t leave the pack.

We Didn’t Leave the Pack

There have been times when one of us wandered a little farther than the other.

Times when one was struggling and the other was stronger.

Times when we didn’t completely understand each other.

But we both prioritized finding our way back to each other.

Because when you find yourself alone, astray, scared, or unsure, the hope is that the person on the other end loves you enough to come searching for you.

Not because you’re incapable of finding your own way home, but because they don’t want you out there alone.

And I think that’s a really important distinction.

Marriage shouldn’t mean losing yourself.

In fact, I think a great marriage should give you MORE space to become who you are meant to become.

You should take care of yourself.

Have dreams.

Have interests.

Have friendships.

Take care of your body and mind.

Grow spiritually.

Challenge yourself.

Discover new things about yourself.

Continue becoming YOU.

But there’s a difference between taking care of yourself and making everything about yourself.

A healthy marriage requires two whole people who are willing to remember there is now a “we” alongside the “me.”

And I think one of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is wanting that growth for them too.

You want a partner who is confident enough, secure enough, kind enough, and committed enough that they don’t feel threatened by your growth.

They open doors for it.

They cheer for it.

They make room for it.

They remind you who you are when you forget.

And when you grow, they don’t immediately assume you’re growing away from them.

They get curious about who you’re becoming and figure out how to keep growing alongside you.

That, to me, is partnership.

We Need to Talk About What Commitment Really Means

But I also think there is something really important that needs to happen before you ever make that kind of commitment.

You have to talk about what commitment actually means.

And I mean REALLY talk about it.

Not just, “Do you love me?”

Not just, “Do you want to marry me?”

Of course you do in that moment.

I’m talking about the harder conversations that I think far too many people assume they don’t need to have.

What does marriage actually mean to you?

What does commitment look like when we aren’t getting along?

What happens when one of us changes?

Struggles?

Gets lost?

What happens when life looks nothing like we thought it would?

Are you willing to work through uncomfortable seasons instead of immediately looking for an exit?

Because I think sometimes people walk into marriage assuming they’re both carrying the same definition of commitment.

And that’s a BIG assumption to make about one of the biggest decisions of your life.

Before you decide you’ve found your person for life, I believe you both need to wholeheartedly understand what you’re agreeing to.

Marriage isn’t just another box to check because you’ve been dating for a certain amount of time, you’re a certain age, everyone else is doing it, or because it feels like the logical next step.

Because if marriage is simply a box to check, it can eventually become a box to uncheck.

Marriage is choosing someone to walk through LIFE with.

And in life, you will see it all.

There will be seasons when you’re not your best self.

Seasons when they’re not theirs.

There will be stress, disappointment, change, grief, financial pressure, parenting, aging, career changes, health challenges, and moments when one or both of you wonder:

“Who even am I right now?”

That’s why I think these conversations matter before the wedding, before the house, before the kids, before your lives become so intertwined that you’re trying to figure out what commitment means in the middle of a crisis.

Don’t assume.

Talk about it.

Ask the uncomfortable questions.

Listen carefully to the answers.

And maybe even more importantly, pay attention to whether that person’s actions already match the commitment they’re describing.

Because saying, “I want to spend my life with you,” is beautiful.

But what you’re really asking each other is:

Are you willing to keep choosing us while we both become people we haven’t even met yet?

Because neither of you is going to stay the same.

I certainly haven’t.

And neither has my husband.

But I don’t think marriage is about finding someone who promises never to change.

I think it’s about finding someone who understands that you will BOTH change and is wholeheartedly committed to continuing to find each other as you do.

You Can’t Force Someone to Meet You There

And here’s the plot twist.

You can’t make someone want to meet you there.

You can’t force vulnerability.

You can’t force honesty.

You can’t force loyalty.

You can’t force emotional maturity.

You can’t force someone to value the covenant at the same depth you do.

Sometimes one person keeps reaching, searching, communicating, and trying to find their way back to the pack, and the other person simply isn’t willing to come.

And I think that’s different from “we grew apart.”

Sometimes the deeper truth is that one person was never willing, or is no longer willing, to participate in the relationship at that depth.

You cannot maintain a pack of two by yourself.

What I Hope for My Kids

Which brings me back to marriage and why I’ve been thinking about all of this sitting here next to my husband.

My kids are getting older.

And one of my deepest hopes for them is that someday, if marriage is what they choose, they find a life partner they can enter into a covenant with who genuinely wants to be in their pack.

Someone who has the courage to meet them at the depths of emotional and spiritual connection.

Someone who understands that putting your own oxygen mask on is incredibly important, but once you choose to build a life with another person, life is no longer only about you.

I want my kids to find someone who wants them to take care of themselves.

Someone who wants them to have dreams, friendships, passions, goals, and a sense of self outside of their marriage.

Someone who doesn’t need them to dim their light so they can feel brighter.

Someone secure enough to say:

“Go. Grow. Become. I’ll be right here cheering you on.”

Someone who opens doors for them instead of closing them.

But I also want my kids to BE that person for someone else.

That’s the other half we don’t talk about enough.

Don’t Just Look for an Amazing Partner. Become One.

Don’t just spend your life looking for an amazing partner.

Become one.

Learn how to communicate.

Learn how to apologize.

Learn how to listen when every part of you wants to defend yourself.

Learn how to be honest even when honesty is uncomfortable.

Learn how to stay curious about another human being who will continue changing for the rest of their life.

Learn how to take care of yourself without making everything about yourself.

Learn how to love someone without trying to control them.

And learn that commitment sometimes means finding your way back to each other again and again and again.

What comes to mind for me is emotional intelligence.

I certainly didn’t enter my marriage 100% knowing myself, and neither did my husband.

We were young.

We had a lot to learn about ourselves, each other, communication, life, and what it really meant to build something together.

But I think we learned along the way that a deeper, more meaningful relationship requires a deeper emotional and spiritual connection.

A level of openness and commitment where bumps, lost paths, challenges, and uncertainty aren’t immediately viewed as reasons to leave the pack, but invitations to dig deeper and find each other again.

After 20 Years, We’re Still Choosing Each Other

I’m not writing this because I think I have a perfect marriage.

I don’t.

But after 20 years, I think we’ve figured out a few things.

And today we are in a deeply good place on many levels.

More than anything, I’m writing this for my kids.

Because despite what the world, social media, or whatever else may tell you, I still deeply believe in the sanctity and beauty of a monogamous, long-term marriage.

Not because it’s easy.

Not because two people magically remain the same forever.

But because there is something incredibly powerful about looking at another human being after years of life together and realizing:

We’ve both changed. And somehow, through all of that changing, we kept choosing each other.

For me, a great marriage requires both people to get over themselves while still taking care of themselves.

It asks you to dig deeper than you might ever have to alone.

To be vulnerable, open, trustworthy, honest, flexible, forgiving, and most of all, loyal.

And personally, I believe the order matters.

God first.

Then each other.

And together, your children.

Because one day your children will grow up.

They’ll leave your home, build lives, and hopefully create packs of their own.

And after all the carpools, sports, school, work, bills, businesses, laundry, arguments, celebrations, losses, vacations, hard seasons, beautiful seasons, and ordinary Tuesdays have passed, hopefully you’ll look over at the person sitting in the lawn chair next to you and realize…

We never stopped finding each other.

Maybe that’s what it really means to never leave the pack.

Not that you never wander.

Not that you never change.

Not that you never get lost.

But that you both entered into it wholeheartedly knowing:

If you wander, I’ll come looking for you. And if I wander, I trust you’ll come looking for me.

And somewhere along the way, you realize you didn’t just stay married.

You became each other’s home.

You May Also Like

Why Intuition Is Your Most Underrated Business Tool

Learn how intuitive leadership improves clarity and decision-making in complex environments.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/why-intuition-is-your-most-underrated-business-tool

🌐 https://hbr.org/2022/03/how-to-stop-overthinking-and-start-trusting-your-gut

From Burnout to Breakthrough: Wellness Habits That Actually Stick

Explore how nervous system regulation supports sustainable leadership performance.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/from-burnout-to-breakthrough-wellness-habits-that-actually-stick

🌐 https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/basics/stress-basics/hlv-20049495

The Hidden Power of Breathwork for Entrepreneurs

Discover why breathwork is a foundational tool for regulated leadership.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/the-hidden-power-of-breathwork-for-entrepreneurs

🌐 https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6137615/

Creating a Morning Routine That Aligns With Your Purpose

Learn how intentional rituals support heart-centered leadership.

🔗 https://hopezvara.com/creating-a-morning-routine-that-aligns-with-your-purpose

🌐 https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/habit-formation